Singles and Couples: How to Have Happier Holidays

The answers are many. Some of us do this mad holiday scramble because we feel we have to. Others have to deal with family expectations, imagined or real. Others feel this is the way it's supposed to be, as if there is a certain image to live up to during the holidays.If you want to feel differently this holiday season, create a different experience, act differently. Simply stop trying to make it perfect.Scratch Off Your 'To-Do' ListReduce or eliminate your gift-giving list, and even your card-sending list. Depending on how much simplification your life needs right now, perhaps simply calling people is enough of a holiday greeting.If you are going to give gifts, choose simple, meaningful and thoughtful gifts: one great book, one thoughtfully selected scarf or one special toy. It will be enough.Simplify your entertaining list, too. Host an intimate potluck at your place or celebrate in a restaurant. If you are invited to countless events this season, be selective about which ones you choose to attend. It's even OK to cancel or only go for a short time. Basically, eliminate stress in any way possible so that you have energy, time and room to enjoy this time of the year.Take TimeIt's winter. It's cold. Even if you're in a warmer climate, the evenings have a chill to them. If you listen to your body, you may feel the need to draw in, to take time, to rest, to expend less energy. This is one reason the holiday season can be so very stressful -- it goes against what our body and spirit naturally want this time of year. Many of us crave warmth and rest.

Think of this as the germination period for the next year. How do you want the next year to be and how are you going to make it happen? This is your time to gather energy. So rest, take time and warm your body and soul, whatever that may mean for you.Make Peace With What You HaveIt is difficult at times to be happy when others have what we want and we are left wanting. It is difficult to watch couples in love when your relationship is not working well, or if you are single and don't want to be. It is difficult to see others spend money if you have none or are struggling. Yet making peace with how things are right now is one step toward having what you want in the future. Making peace with unfulfilled desires is not the same as giving up on your dream or surrendering to never having it fulfilled. It is simply a way of having peace now -- one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. This is not the same as denial. Peace is acceptance, a fundamental way of embracing reality as it is right now. Peace frees you up to take actions that will cause different results in the future.How do you make peace with not having what you want? Watch for anger, pain or envy arising inside you. Then talk to yourself, listen and take action. Say, "Yes, I do not have what I want, for whatever reason, and I accept this for right now." Say, "Yes, it hurts, makes me angry or makes me envious." Say, "I surrender to this moment right now and I choose peace over hurt, anger or envy."

Cultivate GratitudeI have said this before and it still remains to be one of the more powerful tools in my arsenal of dealing with unhappiness. Our circumstances often cannot be changed quickly enough to satisfy us. Yet, our attitude can be changed almost instantaneously -- and can remain changed -- which then helps to change our circumstances over time. This holiday season, work on gratitude for what you have -- in relationships, in love, in material possessions, in family, in community, in things that nourish and sustain you.Be With People Who Love YouFor those of us in relationships and with families, the advice is simple. If things are going well, nourish your relationships during this time so that they may be even better. If things are not going so well, this is the time to use the utmost care to improve your relationships, to give them nourishment and to draw nourishment from them. There are many tools to do this. Talk, listen, forgive, surrender, get help, read, write, go to church or synagogue, etc. For those who are single and especially for those with no community, this is the time to reach out to groups of like-minded people. If you could find a group of like-minded people, what would be the topic, idea, cause or hobby they would be gathered about? Would it be reading, sports, movies, personal growth, spirituality?Whatever the topic may be, find this group of people. And as terrifying as it may be, go be with them! You will be amazed at how welcoming they will be, especially at this time of the year. Happy, peaceful holidays to you!Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.