When A Marriage Counselor Gets Divorced

A: At one point, I feared my sadness was contaminating a group that I led; but it was just my fear. My advice doesnt just come out of my head. Ive studied relationships from Plato to the present, how relationships work and why they dont. My advice comes from years and years of good analytical thinking and I stand by it. Q: I like the structure of the book, with the reasons why you didn't leave your husband listed. Why does our perception or memory of what was good always seem to count for more than what was bad? A: Its amazing how much pain and sorrow we tolerate. I thought I was happy for a long time. We had great vacations together. One great vacation could repair a whole lousy year. The good moments were so tender and loving that they made up for a lot. Plus I had an awful childhood, so my awful marriage felt in sync with rest of my life. Q: The childhood issues that affected your ability to be good companion and partner are so dramatic, will you be writing another memoir? A: Yes, I have started on a second memoir that centers on my childhood. Q: What has your ex said about the book? A: I havent told him about it. Since he never read anything I wrote before he may miss this and never know about it. If he reads it I dont think he looks like a bad person; in fact he looks like a good person although he might be unhappy I reveal things he would not like others to know. Q: Are you optimistic that you could have a healthy relationship in the future? A: I feel if I were to enter one now I would know how to do it right. But I dont feel the need to be in one. Its kind of a relief. I feel very stress-free. Judy Kirkwood, who writes frequently for thirdage.com, also thought she was happy in a marriage that had ended long before its last gasp.