The Six Dimensions of Divorce

"I didn't mean to drop that cyanide tablet in her new boyfriend's drink," he said.

There are many unhealthy ways to deal with the emotional ramifications of a divorce. Instead of using all that energy in a negative way, try to channel it into the process of transforming yourself through the transition. The best way to do this is to develop a plan to help lead you through the jungle of feelings before you wind up in an emotional quicksand. Buy a journal and get started now:

Document the Past
Regardless of who instigated the divorce, there are reasons why the relationship didn't work. Take some time to reflect and process. Make a list of the characteristics, behaviors or circumstances that made your former relationship unfulfilling, unhealthy or unstable. There are valuable lessons you have learned about your wants and needs for a partner. Make sure you take time to recognize the morals of your story.

Make the 'Emergency' List
Sitting on the couch commiserating with the loons on the Jerry Springer show is not going to bring you any closer to the "right track." Make a list of things that relax you mentally or physically. It could be as simple as 20 minutes reading a good novel at your local park. Maybe it's a trip to the spa, or cooking your favorite Italian recipe. Make a long list of possible escapes. Then, whenever you get overwhelmed by emotion, pull out the book and choose an option.

Sketch the Future
After a divorce, it might seem like life is empty -- which is sad. Instead, look at your life as a blank slate with endless possibilities -- which is exciting. In your journal, start writing down what you'd like your new life to look like. Where do you want to live? What will your occupation be? How will you spend your free time? Then make a list of things you need to do to get closer to your desired goal. Make a commitment to do something every day to start building the new, happier, healthier you.

Move On
I talked to a woman recently who seemed to have it all together. She said that making pottery had become her outlet for escape from all the longing, anger and regret she still felt toward her ex. When I asked how long she had been doing pottery, she said, "Ever since the divorce, 15 years ago." I would really hate to see this woman's mantel.

It's good to deal with your emotions. But, at some point, we all have to move on. There are too many people sitting by too many phones waiting for the wrong person to call once again. Acknowledge that your relationship is over and make that commitment to move on.

The Dating Pool
There is no definitive waiting period before you should date again. The important thing is that you are not dating just because you are afraid of being with yourself. You can't be a strong "we" until you are a strong "me," so focus on you right now and let dating be a social activity, not your major avenue for finding a new life.

Next: Meet Courtney D. Knowles and other ThirdAgers to find support during your divorce >

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