Crazy Glue for the Broken Heart

The tumultuous feelings of "shattering," the first stage of a broken heart, are both temporary and necessary for healing. To cope with this stage, follow these steps:

1. Stay in the moment. During an emotional crisis, you need to learn how to function as best you can. Staying in the moment is the healthiest way to live while coping with devastating circumstances. Blast your favorite music and sing along, or go for a drive with the windows rolled down and feel the wind across your face. Use the sensations of life to give you a momentary respite from your fears and sorrow.

2. Get ready for time management. When your relationship is torn, just getting through each day may seem like a full-time job. To manage the intense feelings, structure your time productively. Fill your days with lunch dates, outings, movies and massages. Even your job offers a hidden benefit: Work becomes "occupational therapy." Good pain management means planning constructive activities to carry you through the most difficult periods of each day.

3. Take it one day at a time. You may feel as if your future has suddenly gone up in smoke, but remind yourself that hopelessness is a feeling, not a fact. Overcome your fears by living fully today rather than worrying about tomorrow. As hard as it might be to believe right now, your future will eventually be filled with love again.

4. Stay strong on your own. Use your temporary isolation to learn how to stand on your own two feet. Build emotional self-reliance -- something long overdue for most of us.

5. Pamper your wounds. Abandonment can feel like a "knife wound to the heart." Indeed, you've sustained a personal injury. Like any other wound, it needs to be well-tended, pampered and healed. Give yourself time and care.

6. Reach out to supportive friends and family. "People need people," especially while going through a loss of love. And wouldn't you be there for them? Of course you would.

7. Ask for an ear. Instead of seeking advice, ask your friends to just listen to your feelings. Advice can make you feel worse, as if it's a sign of weakness that you're in this much pain. Yet heartache is not your fault. What you need most is support, companionship and understanding.

8. Set up an abandonment support group. Connect with others going through similar experiences to gain mutual support. Try joining our online support group.

9. Keep a daily journal. Writing leads to self-discovery, keeps you focused on positive thoughts and strengthens your resolve to turn this painful time into a growth experience.

10. Seek mentors, counselors, spiritual leaders and experts. These people will help you gain access to knowledge beyond your own and expand your mindscape. This is also a good time to get into therapy, since your feelings are raw and you're open to help. See these guidelines for selecting a good therapist.

Stage Two: Withdrawal >

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