Crazy Glue for the Broken Heart

Withdrawal is when you need a love fix and can't get it. These steps will help you work through the wrenching feelings of this second stage of abandonment.

1. Resist the temptation to contact your ex. The yearning and longing for love is intense during this stage. In spite of the torment, don't look to your ex for support. Repeated contact can cause re-wounding, which can hurt more than the initial breakup.

2. Honor your feelings. Your hurt feelings won't just be willed away, in spite of the messages you receive from your well-intentioned friends and family. They love to tell you to just forget about your ex. If only it were that easy! Give yourself time and acceptance to work through these feelings.

3. Learn to become self-nurturing. A hidden benefit of abandonment is getting to know your emotional self -- your inner child -- the part of you that is hurting, needing and afraid. Lovingly administer to this long-neglected part of yourself.

4. Don't confuse self-nurturing with self-indulging. Don't let self-indulging hurt your pocketbook or your diet. Instead, think of indulgences that will replenish your body's resources, like walking, yoga, the gym, a workshop or journaling.

5. Strengthen your adult self. "Big You" needs to get stronger to take care of "Little You." Become the best adult you are capable of being. Rise to the top of your wisdom and maturity to manage the emotional turbulence and guide your recovery to safety. This is how heartbreak transforms us into stronger, more emotionally intact adults.

6. Recognize that you are grieving. You are going through a loss of love, a loss of lifestyle and a loss of person. Your grief is as painful and consuming as someone grieving a death, but abandonment grief is not validated by society. You must do that for yourself.

7. Check your "Always and Never" thinking. Heartbreak sends us into catastrophic, either/or thinking categories: "I'll always be alone" or "I'll never be happy again." Reassure yourself that your situation is temporary.

8. Don't self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Withdrawal from love is just like heroin withdrawal. Both involve the body's opiate system, but instead of craving a drug, your body is craving your lost love. Be careful: Alcohol and drugs may dull the pain temporarily, but during this period you are highly prone to developing alcoholism and addiction.

9. Offset your loss by adding new people, places and things to your life. While you're adding, be sure to gain something other than weight or hangovers. You are looking to gain new friends, new insights, new interests and new regimens that enhance your life.

10. Be gentle with you. When you're going through the stress of a breakup, your limbic brain automatically goes into self-defense mode, creating powerful hormonal and biochemical changes in your body. You feel wasted and washed out because your body is reacting as if you were fighting a powerful internal enemy. You'll need more R & R than usual. Also try these simple tips for pampering your body and soul.

Stage Three: Internalizing >

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