How to Approach a Stranger

 When I'm out running errands -- at the grocery store or the mall, for example -- I often see people I'm attracted to and whom I'd be interested in meeting. But, I feel like I'll come off as a weirdo if I approach them -- we are total strangers, after all! In this type of situation, is it OK to try to strike up a conversation? And how can I work up my nerve to do so?

Nicholas Boothman responds:

 When you spot someone you fancy, don't start making assumptions about how he or she will feel if you approach. You have no idea whether they'll be embarrassed, offended or thrilled to bits, so just approach and see what reaction you get. You have nothing to lose. The worst you can expect is a little dent in your ego.

If you have to make an assumption, assume it will work. Assume that others will give you the benefit of the doubt and do the same with them. Assume they will be influenced by your positive outlook and attractive attitude. Most people are eager to connect and to be friends with us, so assume the best.

That said, it's also wise to remember that we're all more open and receptive to talking to strangers at some times than at others. Sometimes we just feel like keeping to ourselves -- maybe we've had a hard day, or have something important on our minds, or any of a million other reasons we may just want to be left alone. When we're in this state of mind, often we emit signals -- a preoccupied or troubled expression, for example, or other closed body language. It's smart to be on the lookout for such signals (and for their opposite, for receptivity) before you approach. If you approach and sense any stiffening or annoyance, or the person simply ignores you, that's OK. Just smile, excuse yourself and go about your business. You've been friendly. Leave it at that.