Feeling Shy? Try These Icebreaker Tips!

 I have a date coming up with a man I used to work with. From what I already know of him, I think we could be a great match. I'm worried, though, because we're both very shy. How can I break the ice and help both of us to open up?

Nicholas Boothman responds:

 What can you do if the person you are with is reluctant to talk about him- or herself? You can synchronize. There is no more powerful way to open someone up than by synchronizing body language, voice characteristics, favorite words, attitude, breathing and timing. If his legs are crossed, cross yours; if he's speaking softly, you should speak softly as well. This will get you into his or her mood and is the fastest way to build trust and communication. Just remember not to overdo it. Do as little as you need to adjust to the other person. Take it easy, ask gentle questions and be patient.

If you are the one who's a little shy or reserved about revealing yourself, start off slowly -- or even better, practice with a friend. Tell him about your vacation or your work; tell her about your hometown or your favorite restaurant. Just describe things that you find interesting. When you start feeling more confident, you can start putting more of your personality into it, adding opinions, perhaps about a book, a movie or the headlines in today's paper. Once you can do this comfortably, try telling someone how you feel about him or her.