Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert |
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Dating Again
Dear Dr. Betty,
I'm a widow in my 50s who is about to enter the dating arena again. How do I learn the new rules of dating? Is it okay to take the initiative to ask him out first? And, just how does someone in their late 50s meet nice, eligible men their age? --D.
Dear D.,
Hooray for you. As a widow you have gone through a major life passage and have opted to move on and realize new opportunities for growth. Now, you make the rules for dating. You are older and wiser and that counts for a lot. One of your major considerations could be who pursues whom? Yes, men are wired to be hunters and pursuers, but many, especially widowed and divorced men, are willing to put down their bows and arrows long enough to answer your phone calls. In many cases, their former wives were the emotional and social managers and made all the arrangements.
If you're still reluctant and believe "come hither" is the best approach, use body language--play with your hair, mimic his movements--or flirt like mad, laugh at his jokes, and flatter him. If he doesn't take the bait, you do the asking. You might be rejected but, you have asserted yourself--a good move. Know there are more men out there.
You want to meet eligible men? Start out with cultivating both men and women friends; it widens your circle of possibilities. Invite people over and ask your friends to bring extra men. Whatever gives you pleasure--painting, writing, playing the piano--pursue it in a class! Join organizations that interest you--such as the Sierra Club if you like to hike. Use the Internet; it is a great way to meet men. Also, classified ads have brought together many singles. Consider attending singles events in your community, at your church or synagogue. Volunteer for a cause you believe in or, if not working, think about going back or starting to work. So, chin high, shoulders back, try it all. Your positive attitude and openness will bring you rewards in the dating game.
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