Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert

Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm looking for a special someone after a divorce. I want to have fun and companionship, but don't want financial responsibility. This man must stand on his own two feet, have a sense of humor, communicate his feelings, and give me space when I need it. What are my chances of finding this at my age? --C.

Dear C.,

Your positive attitude will serve you well. Yes, there are fewer men available to women past a certain age. That said, ignore it. Close your eyes and ears to naysayers who will only thwart your search. Focus on the possibilities of a special someone and some advantages of dating in midlife: no need for your parents' approval of Mr. Right, the "senior" discounts often available to those over 50, and probably no pregnancy worries! Humorous, but true.

To increase your chances, turn your self-esteem dial way up. This helps you deal with the challenges dating offers. Start off the day with positive thoughts--some emotion promotion--such as, "I will take some risks today and reach out." While dressing, look in the mirror and do some self-affirmations, like "I am an interesting person" and "I have a winning personality." Then, take a moment during the day to picture yourself at a party; see yourself looking attractive and confident. All these little imaginings are revving you up to a "hello world, I'm here" mode.

Now, review your "must have" list for your special someone. Positive expectations are fine for dating at any age. Being new at this, you may want to tiptoe emotionally, but being too picky won't necessarily get you what you want. It could keep you safe from involvement, but stuck and possibly--alone. Why not a so-so communicator who is great fun, with a good sense of humor, but not much money? Your flexibility in juggling the various "must-haves" will help you in the long run.

Speaking of flexibility (a quality that helps us age gracefully), in your search for "Mr. 10," how about considering two 4's and a 2? They add up to 10 and may improve your chances of finding what you're looking for. Happy hunting!

Share your advice: Your name:

Have a question for Dr. Betty? Ask it here
Missed a week? Find past Q&A's here
Back to Dr. Betty intro
Please read our disclaimer