Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert

I have spent all my life raising my children. Now that the nest is empty, I am in a relationship with a man I've known for 16 years. He has been very generous through the years, but we also seem to hurt one another. He's a night person who has no schedule; I'm a day person, a planner, and an organizer. Yet I'm not secure enough to try another relationship: I don't feel as confident as I did in my 30s and 40s. I look young, though a thyroid condition has put some extra weight on. I have had to change my eating habits and now must work out just to keep the same. Yuck! Any advice? Are there really men out there who don't want a 20 year old with a perfect body? --B.

Dear B.,

You've been Mom for a long time; but now that it's time to fly, you find your wings are clipped! You're in a safe relationship that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. You want more, but you doubt your ability to attract another man.

You're right, you're not 30 or 40 any longer. The "yuck" you exclaim because you've put on a few pounds reveals more about your attitude than that of the legions of potential great guys beyond your nest. If you're not happy with yourself, how do you expect anyone else to be? Yes, you will get older, and you'll add a few pounds and a wrinkle or two. What's wrong with being a mature, attractive woman who likes herself and is interesting and fun to be with? Could you be that person?

You say you're a planner and organizer. How about putting your natural inclinations to work? Next: 5 Steps to Boost Your Confidence

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