Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert

I have been dating my lover for one and a half years and living with him for about five months. His divorce from his second wife was final just recently. My oceanfront condo lease is up soon and he suggested I move in with him to save money. I want to, but he has told me many times he sees no future for us as he is still shell-shocked by his marriage--which he left. He says he "should" want to marry me after dating a year, but doesn't have the feelings. I believe he has unresolved issues (I went through all of them with him) and am not pressuring him. I am full of indecision. Should I sign for another year for my condo or save the money and move in with the man I love? Please help. --T.

Dear T.,

"I/we feel your pain--of indecision" is almost a cliché, but one that resonates with many women like yourself. Should you hang around after your boyfriend's divorce with no apparent future hopes, or look for other hunting grounds?

Him: Your man can feel lonely after a divorce without a support system in place. His former wife was probably the "social manager," often arranging their evenings and weekends. He's lost the daily structure that his family once provided and is at loose ends when coming home to an empty apartment. Some men go for rebound relationships: the average divorced man is remarried within one year. But not your guy--he's doing an easy-does-it.

You: When you give up your condo and move in, he will return to a comfort zone for him--but what about you? Next >

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