Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert

I'm an attractive 46-year-old woman and men fall in love with me all the time. The nice guys bore me and the exciting guys are dominating and controlling. I'm afraid that what I'm looking for doesn't exist and that I will never be in a fulfilling long term relationship! Where do I need to look inside to resolve this? --S.

Dear S.,

Yes, many men do like beautiful women and some people might tell you, "There's no problem. You attract men like flies, so stop complaining!"

But, you do have a problem--you're questioning your adequacy in the "what's inside" department. We all feel inadequate on some level--that's part of being human. But, many of us find it hard to believe that "the beautiful ones" also have those feelings. When there is so much focus on our appearance, we may start to doubt our wholeness and to mistrust our judgment, especially when it comes to men.

Why Hasn't Mr. Wonderful Come Along? You may not have a rich store of self-esteem and feel that you don't deserve that great guy. You may have stayed in relationships believing that 50 percent is better than 0 percent. You may have seen your parents' relationship as less than fulfilling and feel that you're destined to repeat their history. Or you may simply be sidestepping the responsibility of choosing who you want and letting men make the choices for you!
Next: Search Yourself >

Share your advice: Your name:

Have a question for Dr. Betty? Ask it here
Missed a week? Find past Q&A's here
Back to Dr. Betty intro
Please read our disclaimer