Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert

After 13 years of mental abuse, no communication, manipulation, and sarcasm, I divorced my husband. He also had an affair and we tried therapy to no avail. Now after two years of an ugly, drawn-out divorce, I am feeling guilty for leaving. Maybe I should have tried more, maybe we should have had more therapy? I think I should try again for the sake of my kids. Why am I so confused after two years? Everyone says my ex could never change, but I do see an improvement in him ever since he started to see a therapist and attend church. Why did he change now? My therapist tells me to remember what went on and what caused me to want a divorce. Am I crazy? --C.

Dear C.,

You are not crazy for having divorce remorse. This is not uncommon, especially for those who share your religious beliefs and also have children at home.

Looking at your marital history can be confusing. Your husband's affair, his mental abuse, your lack of communication, and your failed efforts at therapy are cause enough to vote "Nay" to remarrying your ex. I'm sure your friends, relatives, and therapist have your best interests in mind by suggesting you stay away. Would it benefit you and your family to give your marriage another try?

Trust Again? Let's suppose you decide to give your marriage a second try. Your major challenge is learning to trust again after your troubled marriage and divorce. Will your ex have you and your children's best interests at heart? Will he intentionally avoid hurting you and be more available to you?
Next: Follow these Steps and Find Answers >

Share your advice: Your name:

Have a question for Dr. Betty? Ask it here
Missed a week? Find past Q&A's here
Back to Dr. Betty intro
Please read our disclaimer