Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert |
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Five-Year Itch
I've been married to an awesome, supportive, intelligent, kind and beautiful woman for five years. Recently I found out that our marriage was never recorded and we're not legally married. Therefore, I've done some relationship evaluation and feel our marriage lacks passion. I am a sexual being who needs this passion in my life. Our sex life is very ordinary and even when I try to loosen her up she gets insulted. I don't want to go for counseling; I believe that she won't change and I want out of this relationship. My stomach is in knots and I can't sleep from the unbearable stress of my decision to leave. Can you help? --M.
Dear M.,
You're sexually out of sync. The chemical cocktail that spurs the thrill we feel at first starts to wear off after five to seven years. These natural "dips" occur in most marriages. Another dip often occurs when the kids leave in our 40s and again in our early 60s when retirement is looming on the horizon.
It feels so good to be "turned on" and for some this feeling becomes an addiction. You sound like you need this emotion at all costs. Don't get me wrong, passionate living and loving are wonderful but there is more to a relationship than sex and passion.
You have invested five years with someone you call an awesome woman. But now it seems that you have given up, you feel your wife can't change and you want to end the relationship without seeking counseling. Is your goal to find greener pastures? Why this rush to judgment and action? Wisdom, research and experience caution that you will probably never find peace and contentment in the future unless you work through your present situation. Next: Face the Music >
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