Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert |
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A Husband's Topless Bar Fantasy
My husband of 11 years is 12 years younger than me and is obsessed with my going to a topless bar with him. This upsets me because I know that he will be ogling young women while I sit there and watch and that I will feel even older. Help! --K.
Dear K.,
This topless bar issue is a red flag waving, "pay attention." But this isn't a problem--it's an opportunity for growth and understanding. Remove the blinders and do some searching of yourself, your spouse, and your marriage.
Take a Look at Your Husband: Ponder these questions: Would your presence at this bar make your husband feel safe because you would keep him from doing something he's tempted to do?
Does he want you to watch these writhing, young bodies for inspiration so that you'll bring more eroticism into your marriage?
Is he suggesting that you go to this bar so that you will feel uncomfortable or threatened? After 11 years of marriage, you know much about your husband. Put your knowledge--and your hunches--to work and come up with possible motives for his obsession. Write down every possible reason, then cross off the far fetched motives so that you are left with five to ten potential answers.
Next: Now Look at Yourself >
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