Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert |
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Too Shy to Talk It Out
I've lived in an unhappy marriage for the past four years, but my husband doesn't seem to see any of our problems. I want to confront him, but I'm afraid to do it verbally. Would it be okay to write him a letter? Please help.-- A.
Dear A.,
Nearly 50 percent of Americans describe themselves as chronically shy while another 40 percent regard themselves as previously shy. From your reluctance to talk to your husband about your hurt feelings, you sound like you fit right into the former category.
As a shy person, you probably have negative thoughts about yourself, expect to be rejected, and view others as unapproachable. For you and other shy people, the world can seem an unfriendly place.
Impact On Your Relationship: Ironically, shy people often find themselves attracted to partners who are more emotionally detached--which provides a safe haven from rejection. That may be why you have endured your unhappiness for so long. Apparently this defense is not working now. I'm glad you're writing and asking for help. Now you can increase the probability of getting what you want in your relationship.
Ask and (Maybe) You Shall Receive: As children, we depended on our parents to provide for us. When they rejected our requests some of us learned not to ask. But now you're a grown up, and you can provide for yourself. And the best way to do this is to ask for help. Use powerful words like, "I'd appreciate your...," or "Will you?" Asking will bring you closer to fulfilling your needs.
Next: Take Baby Steps to Fulfillment >
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