Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert |
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My Husband's Sex Life Is a Solo Act!
How to Talk to Your Husband: Sharing feelings, particularly about sexuality, is a major challenge for many men, including your husband. Here are some suggestions for how to discuss your dilemma with your husband: - Timing is very important.
Make sure you are both relaxed and available.
- Be a role model.
Be less intimidating by disclosing your feelings first so that he can follow your example. Try explaining that this is a problem you are having and you need his help. Say something like, "When I found you masturbating, I felt that you didn't find me attractive. I've masturbated since I was a child, but thought I had to keep it a secret. ..."
- Make it easy for him to talk.
Asking specific questions and being brief will make it easier for your man to respond. For example, "Did you have similar experiences as a kid?" and "What were they?" Be careful not to overload him with details.
- Be aware of body language and facial expressions.
It is very important to communicate that you're not judging your husband but are listening with empathy and understanding. Look at him when he talks, and keep your arms uncrossed--to show openness, acceptance, and interest.
- Be patient.
Be hyper-aware of his body language and facial expressions. If you see him turn away, or his eyes glaze over, stop the conversation. You may be getting too close for comfort. There is always time tomorrow! You're in a young marriage, and there is a lot you need to learn about each other as your relationship grows. What seems like a major problem now can with time, respect, and patience, be a transition to more intimacy in all areas of your relationship. Promote the closeness--it will come back to you in many positive ways!
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