Ask Dr. Betty Polston, the Midlife Relationships Expert |
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Obsessed with Sex
I enjoy and crave sex but my boyfriend refuses to make love to me until we are married. It has been seven months since I have had sex and I masturbate all the time while my boyfriend is overseas working. I don't want to cheat on him but I'm tempted at this point. I wonder if he is gay or if he can ultimately satisfy me. Either way, I am sad because I feel that something could be wrong with my desire to want sex all the time. I'm very confused. --F.
Dear F.,
Your seven-month abstinence can heighten your sense of longing for sex. Does abstinence make the body grow fonder? It could. Sex could supply you with your intimacy needs for getting close and being cared for. However, your craving sex and masturbating all the time, in addition to wondering if your boyfriend or, in fact, anyone can sexually satisfy you, could indicate that you may be suffering from a sexual addiction.
Sexual addiction, according to Dr. Patrick Carnes, author of Don't Call It Love, is a compulsive behavior that interferes with normal living. It can dominate your life and become a priority over your family, friends or work.
Did you experience emotional, physical or sexual abuse as a child? If so, your history is similar to that of 80-90 percent of sexual addicts.
You may feel powerless over your cravings and experience painful isolation and shame. Many addicts can temporarily relieve their anxieties by acting out sexually. Many addicts also spend excessive amounts of time fantasizing about sex to maintain a level of arousal. The emotional and physical tolls of these activities can result in losing your partner, ruining your career, becoming pregnant or exposing yourself to sexually transmitted diseases. Certainly, if any of the above applies to you, then I strongly recommend that you seek professional help.
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