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Q&A This Week
Is there a way to improve sex when my wife constantly experiences pain? She has arthritis and fibromyalgia, a degenerative disk disease. She also has a morphine pump implant and takes three different kinds of pain medicine. She wants to make love but often hurts too much and rarely orgasms any more. This is getting more difficult as time goes by. I love her so much and want to give her the satisfaction she so much deserves. Can you help us? --K.
Steve says:
We men tend to be penile-centric. Which is why my wife's suggestion regarding foreplay is good advice. Women are usually more interested in the journey than the destination.
Communication is crucial as well. For instance, ask your wife how important orgasming is to her. Maybe it's not as important as you think. Loving foreplay might be just fine, thank you, at this stage of the game.
Focus on the process, not the outcome. Enjoy the moment for the connection and pleasure you can give each other. But be flexible with foreplay. She might be able to handle 20 minutes one day, but have to quit after only five minutes the next.
I'm touched by your giving nature, and I suspect your wife is more sexually satisfied than you fear. Many women would kill to have a husband as caring and as giving as you. And we would all be well advised to take a lesson from the tone of your letter. Enjoy and appreciate those precious moments of intimacy together while you can. They will indeed not last forever.
One final thought, and it goes back to the importance of communication. Make sure your wife isn't pushing for orgasm because she assumes it's important to YOU. If she's as giving as you are, you might both be trying to please what you assume to be the needs of the other. Not an uncommon marital merry-go-round. Which is why when it comes to sex: communicate, communicate, communicate!
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Steve Says/Cathy Says/Bottom Line/Members Say/Intro
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