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Ask the Brodys
Q&A This Week
Is there a way to improve sex when my wife constantly experiences pain? She has arthritis and fibromyalgia, a degenerative disk disease. She also has a morphine pump implant and takes three different kinds of pain medicine. She wants to make love but often hurts too much and rarely orgasms any more. This is getting more difficult as time goes by. I love her so much and want to give her the satisfaction she so much deserves. Can you help us? --K.
Cathy says:
I am really glad you both want to improve your sexual relationship, even with some of these challenges. The truth is that we'll all be experiencing similar limitations, either through natural aging, chronic illnesses or other physical traumas.
The first thought I have is to make sure both of you are communicating as clearly and directly as you can, to decrease the possibility of misunderstandings. We often make assumptions about what our partner means, thinks and desires. Voicing our thoughts and listening to theirs helps us know what will and won't work. It also saves a lot of time trying to read each other's minds!
Don't forget to communicate your needs and wants to your wife. She might not be able to fulfill them due to her physical limitations, but it can help to know that she would (if she could) give you your heart's desire.
Your wife's arousal or her ability to physically respond might be compromised due to pain and medication. Some antidepressants can inhibit orgasm. Together, talk to her physician frankly about this aspect of your relationship. Your wife might be able to alter her medication or add something to help temporarily.
Also, focus less on orgasm and more on the whole spectrum of your sexual relationship. Foreplay is just that, for PLAY. This includes verbal foreplay, like sweet nothings (somethings!) between you two, kind and loving gestures throughout the day, and emotional connection through talking and sharing.
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