Confessions of a Serial Sex Addict

Sex has been added to devastating addictions people are battling on a daily basis and increasing numbers of sufferers are contacting Sexaholics Anonymous.

Once just an addiction of Hollywood stars -- with sufferers including Michael Douglas, David Duchovny, Rob Lowe and Charlie Sheen -- experts now estimate hundreds of men and women are struggling to control their carnal desires.

In an exclusive interview with the Irish Daily Mirror, one sex addict reveals the pain of the addiction he has been battling for seven years.

Dublin, Ireland resident Pat (not his real name) is too ashamed to be publicly named but has told his wife of eight years and one of his brothers and is now in a 12-step program to control his behavior.

The family moved to Belfast two years ago to escape the sexual temptations of life in Dublin.

The businessman believes he is now in control of his addiction, but said he has to work on it every day.

In a trendy cafe in Belfast's Lisburn Road, he explained, "People might think this is funny, but it's almost ruined my life. It nearly wrecked my marriage, my children's lives and I was on the way to losing my business.

"It's not funny. It's embarrassing to talk to anyone about it because people think you should have more self-control.

"The lads at home used to say I'd shag anything that moved, and we'd all have a great laugh over it. It was a great reputation to have as a young, single man.

"I was proud of it then. I was having sex with three or four women a night.

"But then we got a bit older, and we all started getting married. Then the kids started arriving, and I was still messing about having sex with different women as often as I could.

"I'd go anywhere to get it and I'd go with anything, to be honest. I'd no self-control, no self-respect. I had a girlfriend, but I cheated on her all the time, every day if I could manage it.

"It didn't matter to me. I thought that I loved her and the other girls were just sex, they didn't mean anything to me. I separated the two worlds.

"I don't know how I kept it from her, but I did, and we got married a year to the day we met. Two nights before the wedding, I was out with the lads and had sex three times with two different women. I didn't use any protection. I didn't care."

But Pat's wife did find out he was being unfaithful and her questions started a long series of heated arguments until one night she stormed at him that he was a pervert and needed help.

Pat said, "I just broke down. I cried and told her the truth. I told her I'd had sex with so many women I couldn't remember how many.

"I couldn't tell her their names. Some of them I didn't even ask their name. It wasn't important to me. It was just sex. It was the only thing that gave me a high but it was over so quickly until I got the next girl. My wife and I had a good sex life in the beginning, but I think my demands were too much and she started to make excuses. That made me even worse.

"It was like a drug; that's the sort of kick I got from it. But it started to interfere with everything, my home life, my work life and even my social life.

"My [friends] started to tell me I was acting like a prat because I was always on the [prowl] even with a wife and two children.

"In the end, my wife found Sexaholics Anonymous on the Internet and told me about it. I knew I had to do something, because I had sex on my mind every waking moment.

"My wife made the first phone call and left a message on an answering machine. A man got back to us and we had a very edgy conversation.

"Then I agreed to meet someone who explained to me how Sexaholics Anonymous could help me. Now I'm on the 12-step program and things have improved a lot. I still have sex; it's not like Alcoholics Anonymous where the addict has to abstain.

"But now it's sex with my wife, the woman I love. I'm able to concentrate on my life. I've built my business back up to where it should have been years ago. My friends have seen a difference in me, but I haven't told any of them I've been getting help. I've had a lot of counseling, and I'll probably keep doing that for years.

"I don't know what set me on the road to sex addiction. Sex was never talked about in our house when I was a child. It was seen as something dirty and shameful.

"I suppose I experimented and let it get out of control.

"Perhaps it has to do with the way we've been brought up. I just know that I have two young sons now and sex will not be a taboo subject in our house.

"It should be a healthy thing to do in the right relationship. I let it go wrong, but now, I've been 201 days in sexual sobriety, where I haven't cheated on my wife.

"The help is out there, but the most difficult part was admitting I had a problem..."

The Symptoms
Recognizing one or more of these symptoms may indicate you have a sex addiction.

• Constant fantasizing about sex.
• Guilt and secrecy about your sexual behavior.
• Multiple sexual relationships going on at the same time.
• High sex drive that often controls your behavior.
• Orgasm is a high.
• A lot of time engaged in phone sex or computer sex.
• Had anonymous sex with people you hardly know, one-night stands.
• Paying for or selling sex on a regular basis.
• Buying and collecting pornography.
• Trying to seduce colleagues and acquaintances.
• Anonymous or public sex in areas such as toilets, parks, etc.
• Touching strangers inappropriately, often in crowded public places like bus stops.
• Exhibitionism, exposing yourself.
• Sexual attraction to objects such as clothing or food.
• Living a double life.
• Afraid of losing your marriage as a result of sexual behavior.
• Caught in a lie about a relationship.

Risky Business
The sex addict is at risk in many areas, but many see this as part of the thrill.

• Contracting a number of sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS.
• Depression and guilt often follow a sexual binge. Attempted suicide is common.
• Getting arrested or fined for public displays of illegal behaviors.
• Being abusive to others or being the target of abuse.
• Feeling out of control or rejected by friends and colleagues.
• Becoming unable to hold down a job or maintain family life.

Source: Daily Mirror. Powered by Yellowbrix.

------- 

Dr. David Schnarch looks into sexual dysfunction.

Jed Diamond discusses men, affairs, sex and romance addiction.

Perk up your sex life with the Sexual Health Insider.