Do Women Like Porn?

Is the romance novel to a woman what porn is to a man? If you read “The Online World of Female Desire.”, a Wall Street Journal article by Ogi Ogas, you may come to that conclusion. The author speaks of his research on sexual desire, as revealed in internet searches of popular adult sites and other web destinations.  The conclusion: men prefer two- minute porn flicks and women prefer romance novels as means of sexual stimulation.  The author and his research partner put forth the theory that women don’t watch porn, based on the subscription rate to online porn sites where men outnumber women subscribers 50 to 1. But does that really mean that women don’t watch porn?  The fact that women buy romance novels isn’t proof, to me, that the romance story is the female equivalent to porn.  They researchers would have needed a direct survey of women to verify that romance novels offer the same erotic sensation that a hardcore porn film provides to men.  Men and women do display variations in what they find erotic. It has commonly been assumed that men are more visual than women and we know that men are more likely to get right down to ‘it’ rather than endure a narrative or slow undressing of the character. But those are gross oversimplifications of the gender divide. This is the Mars, Venus scenario taken to the extreme.

I enjoy some porn, if it’s tastefully done, involves no violence, aggression or sex with animals, and has content other than a succession of close-ups of genitals. And, I’ve watched erotica and porn with a man more than I’ve watched it alone-actually I’ve never watched it alone. Many sex therapists will tell you that watching erotic material together as a couple can be very stimulating.  I would agree, and I don’t read romance novels. Here’s one dissenter to the study already.  But I wonder if this study doesn’t reflect in some ways the growing trend in our culture to depict sex in its most stripped down, rawest form. We are inundated with sexual innuendoes on billboards, magazines and commercials. Movies and television shows are full of sex scenes and rarely in the context of a committed relationship.  It has become commonplace, impersonal, and often so salacious that pornography has had to become more intense just to regain its titillating factor.   One can’t help but wonder if we are becoming increasingly desensitized to sexual content and what impact that has in the bedroom.  The cultural portrayal of sex bears little resemblance to what happens in reality. Airbrushed bodies, vigorous men, and women who have an infinite series of unending orgasms trick us into unrealistic expectations and anxieties.  Will he be virile and capable of bringing me to orgasm so quickly? Will I be able to maintain that kind of erection and perform as she expects?  And, really, what most of us want is a simpler, more sincere form of sexual connection.