If youre in your fifties, like me, and dating men in the same age range, you are inevitably going to run into the delicate erectile dysfunction issue. Id never really thought about the whole sex drive issue until I started dating after my divorce. I was at a lunch date with a lawyer, five or more years my junior, who Id met on Match.com. The conversation was okay until he started talking about his concerns about my age, roughly 48 or 49 at that point. It took me a few minutes to get what he was trying to say, something about keeping up with his interests and desires. Then it hit me, he was concerned about getting enough sex and assumed that my advanced age would mean Id want it less often. I got pissed at that point and right there, in the middle of that crowded, cheap restaurant told him, way after youre no longer able to get it up, Ill still be able to lie there and fake it. It was our first and only date.And, I went on to experience just those kinds of men, men with erectile dysfunction. The first one was without a doubt one of the sexier and more appealing men I met on line. He was sophisticated, well educated and just what I thought I wanted in a man. Our second date, in a location about halfway between our home towns, was to be a casual afternoon and night at a hotel. We had not discussed sex and I didnt think that either of us really were planning to go there, truly. Of course, the moment he reached over and stroked my feet and ran his hand up my leg my resolve melted and suddenly we were disrobing. He was clearly engaged and enjoying our touching and exploring, but when I looked down I realized he was absolutely limp. I was a bit surprised and tried to stimulate him. As it turned out, to make this a shorter story, a prior operation had left him with an inability to get an erection. Yet, he could ejaculate. Had we known each other longer or talked about this situation it might have made the evening less awkward. But he was too much a gentleman, and I lacked the experience or assertiveness to ask questions. For a number of reasons, none having to do with his inability to get an erection, he turned out not to be the right guy for me. But, I learned a little lesson there about sex and aging and self-control.
The next time I was faced with a similar dilemma we had discussed the situation before hand. This man, a lovely, sweet, retired widower was impotent. His determination to find a replacement had put him out there on the market before I think he was ready, he was looking, recruiting for the next wife. We had a couple of dates and when he got a prescription for Levitra,he invited me to be his test subject. Wed decided at that point to go our separate ways but were friendly enough for me to consider the proposal. It was a fun and amazing thing to watch this man delight in sex with the confidence of that little pill. Bless his heart, he got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and woke me when he got back to bed because he still had an erection. Had I been the wife, I might not have been so indulgent. But, it was a fun experience. And, great material for my book.
I have a long list of traits and characteristics I want in a man; but the strength of his erection is not necessarily one of those. For me, sexual pleasure and satisfaction need not always mean an orgasm. And, Im much happier with a man who knows that we can please each other with words, mood, fingers, toys, and, or tongue penetration is nice but not required. What I dont want is a man who thinks that his erection or his satisfaction is the most important part of our being together.
There are so many ways to have fun in bed together that can be as sexy as hell; I want a man who can rise to that challenge. I want a man who can cope with the vagaries of age in all aspects of a relationship. I could spend a whole afternoon in bed, reading together, massaging his feet and having him do the same and be delightfully satisfied. It doesnt take a little blue pill to go there.
About the Author: Walker Thornton is a Virginia-based writer and blogger.