I think sex is something to savor, as delightful as food with a lot less calories. Yet the man I'm seeing is always in a rush. For me it's the difference between fast food and a gourmet meal. How can I begin to turn him on to what could be a wonderful experience? --K.
Dear K.,
Tantric philosophy would have us understand that everything we do in life has the potential to be gourmet. When we savor, we remember long past the actual experience. The key is gratitude, appreciation and attention, and attention means consciousness and awareness in all things.
I suggest you observe your partner in his everyday life to discover what he does savor. Begin to use those things he loves as a sort of metaphor to introduce him further into Tantra.
Let's say he does woodwork in his spare time. He loves it. He will take an extra two hours to finish the shelf he's making for you so that it's perfect. You show huge appreciation and he's in bliss for days! He's won on both sides of the equation: He enjoyed making it and he enjoyed giving it.
The same will be true with lovemaking -- he just needs someone to show him. Some Tantric practices will actually allow him to become so much more fulfilled that once he has experienced them, your work should be over! It's just getting him started that's important.
