How to Be More Sexually Assertive

Ancient Tantric philosophy understands that women embody a creative force (called Shakti energy) that makes the world go 'round. Problem is, we're never taught to access it and live in a world that teaches women to be passive (feminine) and men to be active (masculine). Yet in truth, both sexes need to use their feminine and masculine sides to be in true balance with nature.

A woman is often caught in her role of the soft, passive, non-aggressor who expects to put little or no energy into her orgasms, pleasure and sexual creativity. Her partner is supposed to know what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Not being a woman or a mind-reader, most men fail at this super-human task.

So, how do we bring more balance and spontaneity into the bedroom? Here are some helpful hints:

  • Understand that it's your birthright to have as much pleasure as you can handle! Few people feel that they ever deserve that much. But we were given so many nerve endings, in just the right places, how could we ever think otherwise?
  • Learn to ask for what you need and desire in a mindful, positive manner. Here's where you use your feminine powers! First, make a brief compliment. Then, ask for a single change. Finally, thank your partner! If you use this model in small increments, he'll get trained and you'll get what you want. This kind of communication will help you get ahead in all areas of your life, including the bedroom.
  • Go on a little outing to your local bookstore. Find a fun, erotic book that you can bring into the boudoir. Your partner will think it's sexy and you can take turns reading to each other while exploring some of the practices and ideas. If you get bold enough to try a few new positions, you'll find they tend to break up old patterns and introduce fun, too. Design a study group two nights each week, and plan to set aside time for one quickie and one longer lovemaking session.
  • Learn and practice your Kegel sexercises. They'll help with increasing your libido, G-spot sensitivity and continence, while tightening your love muscles for more friction -- and you'll impress your partner, too!
  • Play a game that involves telling the truth. Often, the number one libido-killer for a woman is not feeling heard and understood by her lover. Playing a game can help create the intimacy required to take risks that will open you up to each other. You'll also become more fully your real selves. And, it's great foreplay!

One game to try: Every night, take turns picking a question for your partner to answer honestly. "Getting Real" is an example of this truth game found on Tantra.com.Don't be afraid of your inner wild woman. What've you got to lose, anyway? Life's too short to be on-guard all of the time. Let go. Dress up in something a little outrageous. Do something that brings a little shock value to the bedroom. Small, calculated risks pay off. Your man may really love seeing the bad girl in you every once and a while. Is he asking you to take a more active role? If he is, then you have permission to try a few things out.Ask him to be sensitive to the effort you put in. None of us know how to do new things well the first time we stretch out of our old skin and into a new persona. That's the beauty, though. The risk is both frightening and titillating. Take a small risk and witness the results. You'll probably be surprised!For more information about Suzie Heumann and her work, visit www.tantra.com. To really get the most out of your loving, consider some advanced training. The Tantric Sex Guide is your 24 hour a day guide to the skills that will take you to new heights of pleasure and intimacy.
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Source: Relationships & Love

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