By Eve Marx
We all know how important sexual health is in relieving stress and even depression, but just as important is the fact that it can be a lot of (very intense) fun. And like any skill, the more you practice lovemaking, the better you’ll be. Here are a few steps to get you started:
Do your Kegels. Everyone knows about Kegels, those internal squeezes every woman should do to not only tone the vagina, but to prevent or stop awkward and embarrassing urine leakage. The problem with Kegels is that while every woman understands their value, few of us regularly do them. Daily Kegels is a lot like flossing your teeth. You know the benefits of flossing but how committed are you to doing it?
The best time to do Kegels is when you’re doing something else, like waiting on line at the grocery store, or at a cross walk. The beauty of Kegels is that unlike butt squeezes (another simple practice you might resolve to do every day), nobody will realize what you’re doing. Internal squeezing is very private. Hold each squeeze for a count of ten. Another good way to practice Kegels is to stop/start your urine stream when making use of a toilet.
Strive to have more orgasms. It can’t be emphasized enough. Having orgasms is an important element of your overall health. Orgasm releases tension. Orgasm helps you go to sleep. Orgasm is good for your circulation. Orgasm is good for your heart. Having orgasms won’t help you lose weight unless your sex is extra energetic and burns a lot of calories, but it can’t hurt.
In your bedroom, accentuate what’s positive. Instead of picking on your body or the body of your partner, be less harsh. It’s doubtful you have the body you had in your youth, but as long as your body is functioning, it’s the body you inhabit and need to love. And consider this: if you can’t really see that well with your glasses, a benefit to being partly blind is that in bed you can take them off.
Banish jealousy from your life. Jealousy is the evil green snake that will poison your sexual relationship. Jealousy is destructive and has no positive benefits. It distorts things, it causes arguments and resentments, and casts a long shadow of suspicion and doubt. While some people think a touch of jealousy is cute, others consider intense jealousy to be a kind of mental disorder. If you are a person prone to jealous fits, consult a cognitive behavioral therapist for tips on how to control it.
Incorporate acts of kindness into your lovemaking routine. NBC News Correspondentmade internet history recently with her tweet about acts of kindness, which went viral. Her point is we need to do more than practice random acts of kindness; we need to commit deliberate acts of kindness every day. Your partner’s erections may not be as vigorous as they used to be. Your vagina probably requires more lubrication. Rather than being angry about these indisputable facts of aging, set the bar lower and explore new options. You may not be having the kind of heart stopping pounding sex you enjoyed not so long ago, but you can still enjoy each other’s embrace and have orgasms. Say nice things to your partner throughout the day so that sex becomes a natural extension of the affection that you share.
Eve Marx is the author of 9 books about sex and dating. Beddington Place: Watch Your Back, Cover Your Tracks is her new novel.