Seductive Ideas for Familiar Lovers

Monogamy shouldn't mean monotony. Think back to when you met each other. The first few dates--long before you ever had intercourse--were one long, delicious foreplay session. This is what you should aim to recapture.

Sadly, the wild lust that characterizes new relationships disappears all too quickly, and sex gets relegated to certain places and times. Sometimes this is not only sensible but necessary. If you've just started a new job, or if you're struggling with family problems, the last thing you're thinking about is whether the underwear you put on this morning is sexy enough for your lover to peel off tonight.

But the rest of the time--when you're simply coping with the usual hiccups and routines of daily life--give sex the priority it deserves. Read our 22 seductive ideas for familiar lovers for fun and easy ways to keep that lovin' feeling.

Excerpted from "Hot Sex: How to Do It," by Tracey Cox. c. 1998 by Tracey Cox. Used by permission of Bantam Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

1. Combine Romance With Eroticism


You feel great when your beloved sends you flowers, why not return the favor? If you think they aren't quite his or her style, then try sending a bottle of expensive champagne, red wine, or scotch. Now turn that loving gesture into a sexy one. Enclose a note explaining in great detail exactly what your partner did to deserve such luxurious spoils. (No, not washing your car--the to-die-for oral sex he or she gave you last week. Got it?) Your postscript can detail what you're aching to do that night.

2. Have a Bed Picnic


Set up chilled wine and an ice bucket, foods you can eat with your fingers (fresh fruit, chocolates); have an erotic movie playing in the background on the bedroom VCR.

3. Become a Bookworm


Invest $100 in your love life by walking into any good bookstore and walking out with an armful of sex books.

Editor's choice: Start with something comprehensive--we recommend "Hot Sex: How to Do It" by Tracey Cox (Bantam, 1999) and "The New Joy of Sex" by Alex Comfort (Crown, 1994).

Next, branch out into areas that particularly tickle your fancy: Tantric sex, fantasies, how to have a dozen orgasms an hour. You don't have to read them cover to cover--just dip inside once in a while to keep things fresh and imaginative.

4. Once Isn't Always Enough


There's a lot of hype about women having more than one orgasm, but men like second helpings, too. Have sex in the morning on the weekend, then drag your partner back to bed an hour later.

5. Get Wet


Water does wonderful things: it makes us weightless and flexible and ensures every part of both of you tastes and smells wonderful. We wouldn't recommend having intercourse in water (it dries up lubrication and forcing water up the vagina isn't recommended), but the bathtub, a spa, a swimming pool, or the sea are great places to start off.

6. Take a Tip from the Story of O


The main character in this novel by Pauline Reage (Random House, 1975) is taught not to give all of herself each time she makes love. Use the same philosophy and instead of each sex session running the gauntlet from kissing to intercourse, concentrate on one activity at a time: kissing and fondling-only sessions, oral sex without intercourse, and intercourse without oral sex.

7. Flirt with Each Other


Even if you've been together years! Experts say flirting sends natural amphetamines and endorphins surging through the body, stimulating an instant emotional "high" not unlike orgasm. Pretend you've just met him (or her) and act as you did at the beginning. Dress sexily, look your partner straight in the eye when they talk to you, and be aware of your body when you move in front of them.

8. Send Sexy Notes


The written word is extremely powerful. Plant notes everywhere (preferably not just before your partner's mother comes to visit). Say, in the fridge stuck to the juice, in his briefcase or her makeup bag. Each one describes parts of your partner you find so-o-o sexy. Or write notes telling him or her ten things you'd love to do to them right that second.

9. Tease


Ladies, do you have friends over for dinner? Shove him up against the fridge, cup his penis with your hand, and give him a huge kiss while he's helping you in the kitchen. Chat innocently away to your guests while he hides out there, waiting for his erection to go down.

10. Go Without Underwear


This is one steamy idea even the least courageous of females can pull off. All you need to do is dress up for an evening out--and forget to put on your panties. You can either tell him about it, or "accidentally" show him by crossing your legs Sharon Stone style.

11. Have an Affair--Together


If your partner is going to have an affair, make sure it's with you. Arrange to meet your partner at lunchtime in the bar of a plain but presentable hotel. Book a room, buy a bottle of champagne, and have forbidden, illicit, wild sex.

12. Remember Kissing?


It's what you used to do when you first met. Many couples find that kissing stops once the relationship gets going or dwindles to a quick prelude before getting down to business. A long, passionate kiss can do more to turn both of you on than putting your hands straight down the front of your lover's trousers. It's more intimate than intercourse.

13. Have Sex with Your Clothes On


Feel each other through your clothing, put your leg in between her thighs and let her gyrate against it.

14. Make the Move


If your partner is always the one to initiate sex, the message you're sending is this: I do it to please you, not because I want to. This leaves both of you feeling cheated. The person who initiates sex feels sexier because they're taking control and giving themselves power. Surely you've watched enough movies by now to know that power's one of the biggest sexual turn-ons there is? Be the boss by suggesting sex and taking the lead role during lovemaking as well. Let your partner lie back while you do all the work.

15. Slide Around on Satin Sheets


You can't help but feel sensual with satin against bare skin. Great sex comes from indulging all the senses and satin sheets are one of a million ways to do it. Appeal to and vary one sense every time you make love and you'll never be bored again. Use music to stimulate his sense of hearing; talk to her while you're having sex, give a blow-by-blow description of how she's making you feel. Ignite his sense of smell by burning oils, wearing perfume, or letting him enjoy the naturally sweet scent your body emits when you're aroused.

16. Keep Your Eyes Open


Watch what's going on when you have sex, look into your lover's face, watch your genitals moving, etc. Stimulate the sense of sight, not just touch.

17. Be Anonymous


Remember those silly masks you bought for the dress-up affair you both went to? Dig them out, put them on, laugh yourself stupid for five minutes, then have sex. Let your fantasies run wild and pretend you don't know each other.

18. Plan a Sexy Weekend


More than one lackluster sex life has been saved by a spicy weekend bounding about on a king-size bed. Book the best hotel you can afford, pick your partner up from work on Friday night, and disappear into the sunset for a weekend neither of you will forget in a hurry.

19. Dress for Success


He adores red lipstick, black stockings, and high heels? You've got no excuse--any little black number can be spiced up with these elements. Make a night of it by playing the vamp, playing with your hair, playing with him under the table. She melts when you walk around the house in nothing but a pair of blue jeans, top button of the fly temptingly undone? Unless it's below freezing temperatures, indulge her on weekends.

20. Learn to Love Oral Sex


Don't do it just to please him or her, revel in it. Crave it, concentrate, make noises to show you're enjoying it as much as they are. Switch from intercourse to oral and back again for sensational contrasts.

21. If You're Excited, Show It

The biggest turn-on of all is seeing how much you're exciting your partner. If they're driving you wild, show it--better still, say so.

22. Make a Pact to Try One New Thing Every Two Weeks

If you're too shy to launch into our other suggestions, start off simple. Take a bath together, give each other foot massages, take off her top or his shirt without using your hands. Once you feel more comfortable, you can move into things like making love to them with their hands tied behind their back and masturbating in front of each other. Get him to lick your fingers while you're masturbating yourself--you'll feel less embarrassed and both of you will find it a turn-on.