Sex School: How to Be a Better Lover

Anyone can become a better lover. Mostly what that requires is a desire to give and receive love more deeply. Giving love better means tuning into your partner and offering them more of what opens their heart and body. They may be opened by the ways you touch them, and the ways you speak to them, and the ways you look at them. Receiving love better means letting your partner in deeper, and allowing them to open you. Rather than resist them, you allow them to penetrate your body and heart. All this can actually take place with minimal body contact. Most people dont realize this but the most powerful aspects of making love do not actually require touch!

Nonetheless, touch and technique is still important.

And many couples find it helpful to occasionally teach their partners how they like to be touched. In truth, the ways we like to be made love to can change over time. And our partners wont know what we need unless we show them. So one homework exercise I often give the couples in my therapy room is what I call Sex School. When you take your partner to sex school, you make love to them the way you want to be made love to. So you actually role play that you are them, making love to you. In this way you can demonstrate EXACTLY how you would like them to come on to you, how you want them to interact with your body, how you want them to love you. Make a point of showing them with your eyes, your hands, your tone of voice, and your words. Your partner is your student, and you want to teach them clearly.

If you do this exercise correctly, you will feel quite self-conscious because it will make you feel vulnerable. Anytime we show up more sexually, it makes us feel a bit frightened. This is why people tend to get stuck in sexual ruts they feel much safer, and we have less on the line when we simply repeat old sexual patterns rather than try out new behaviors. But sexual ruts are never good for a couples sex life. So, take the plunge, take your partner to sex school, and move your sex life in a new and exciting direction. And let us know how it goes for you as always, wed love to hear from you!About the Author: Marianne Brandon, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the president and director of Wellminds Wellbodies LLC, a center for integrative and holistic psychological care in Annapolis, Maryland. The co-author of Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys for Finding Your Lost Libido, Dr. Brandon is also a Diplomat in Sex Therapy through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Her next book, Monogamy: The Untold Story, will be published in September.
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