Sexual Health in the Bedroom

By Eve Marx

Ah, the marital bedroom, the iconic conjugal scene. The marital bedroom, or master bedroom in realtor parlance, is the room where, as a couple, you sleep, make love, plot your future, dream.

Beyond procreation (which may be a thing of your past), the marital bedroom is the room of shared confidences, a room where good things are meant to happen, a place behind closed doors where a couple’s intimacy and bonding experiences can be fed. The marital bedroom is one of the most important rooms in the house. So much significance is attached to the marital bedroom, is it any wonder the room so often becomes a kind of emotional battlefield, the source of discord?

Has your bedroom morphed from the setting of your most romantic and erotic encounters into, well, something else? If so, you’re hardly alone. Many long-married couples choose to not spend much or any time together under the covers at all. But the New Year is a perfect time to make a change. Sexual health is important at any age, and if you’re happy with your love life, you’re less likely to be stressed or rely on substitute (unhealthy) satisfactions like too much chocolate. Here’s some practical and easy tips to help you change the atmosphere of your marital bedroom back into the romantic playground it used to be.

Get Rid of the TV Sure everybody loves lying in bed, watching TV. It’s comfortable. It’s relaxing. Many of us have gotten into the habit of falling asleep in front of it! The trouble with television in the bedroom is that it’s distracting. Watching TV prohibits conversation. It shifts focus away from the other person and on to the screen. Remove the TV and see what happens. Lying in bed and reading next to each other is a much better way to wind down. It can even promote snuggling.

Don't Exercise or Work The bedroom is not the place to ride the stationary bike or do work. Most people who do have an bike in their bedroom use it as an ad hoc clothes hanger! If you have a desk in the bedroom and use it to pay bills, etcetera, you’re bringing those pressures and tensions straight into the bedroom where they can cause more strife. That’s not a conducive environment for affection, or sound sleep.

Keep Pets off The Bed Many people enjoy sleeping with their cat or dog. And they are warm and friendly! Nevertheless, recent surveys show that couples who sleep with a pet or pets are less likely to make love or spoon than couples who keep their pets off the bed. Rover and kitty don’t have to be banished from the bedroom entirely, however. Treat them royally by investing in a nice dog or cat bed.

Lower The Lights Overhead lighting, especially in a bedroom, is harsh and unflattering. You may need that overhead light while you’re organizing closets or vacuuming, but for nighttime activities, go for the softer alternative of a bedside table or standing lamp. Or ask your electrician to install a dimmer switch. To create a romantic atmosphere, turn off the lights and use candles. Just make sure to blow them out before you nod off!

Even if you and your spouse aren’t having intercourse, which can happen for any number of reasons, including medical, your bedroom should still be a haven of intimacy and serenity. Emotional love is just as important as physical love, perhaps even more so as couples who stay together age. A night-time environment that supports and encourages your togetherness is essential to both his and your well-being.

Eve Marx is the author of nine books about sex and intimacy. “Beddington Place: Watch Your Back, Cover Your Tracks,” is her first novel. Find her @ EveMarx.com