The Lost Art of Kissing

Think back to the days (or of the moment) when you and the love of your life kissed before you actually had sex -- either for the first time ever or the first time for the two of you. Remember how exciting and passionate and raw it was? And how it could go on for hours? Well, it's time to take back the kiss as a sensual act unto itself, not just a prelude to "the act."

"Why?" I'm sure you're asking. "Why in the name of all that is holy would you talk about taking a step back? We're sexually active adults, so why shouldn't kissing continue to be foreplay that eventually leads to more?" Now listen, I'm not saying that we need to ban sex. Believe me, I'm not. I just think that limiting how far we go from time to time would actually go a long way toward making our sexual experiences richer and even more enjoyable. Intrigued? Hear me out and I guarantee it'll be worth your while. No, really.

First, let's talk a little about why this is a good idea -- aside from just being plain ol' fun:

  • It will take you back to your more innocent days. And yes, that can be a good thing. No matter how much of an, uh, experienced lass or lad you are, there was a time B.I. (Before Intercourse) -- a time when everyone knew what the limits were, so there was no pressure about going further. You could just enjoy the moment and all of the new feelings. Of course, there was always the idea of sex in the back of everyone's mind -- that's what made the making out so "dangerous" -- but for the most part, no one had to seriously confront that issue, so it was just hours of glorious lip-lock.
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  • You'll be reminded of why you were attracted to your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend in the first place. That first kiss in a relationship is so many things -- excitement, nervousness, an assessment. (Yes, it's true; we equate the way our partner's kiss with how good they'll be while horizontally engaged. This should not come as a surprise to anyone.) It's also the first time we feel that spark -- that electrical feeling that jolts us when chemistry is happening between two people. It's giddy, it's arousing and it can be recaptured.
  • OK, so you're hopefully warming up to this experiment. Now, how to implement it? I'll be the first to admit that this may take a little cunning -- particularly if you're currently in a relationship that has crossed the sexual border many, many times. You don't want to be a complete tease or make your partner think that you aren't attracted to him or her anymore, but you also need to control the situation. So, the most important thing is to undertake this semi-spontaneously. Don't plan an "intercourse embargo" when you've got a special night on the horizon -- romantic dinner, an anniversary, etc. -- because frankly, that's just cruel.

    It will take a bit of resolve on your part as well, because, let's face it: We enjoy having sex with our partners. And honestly, if things do progress to the point of no return, there's certainly no harm in it. You'll just have to try again. And how is that a bad thing? That said, here are my suggestions for a successful "kissing coup": Take your love by surprise.Some of the most exciting kisses are the ones we're not expecting. They don't even have to be soulful, tongue-twisting extravaganzas, either. The next time you're just sitting quietly together or even out walking around, try grabbing your sweetie and laying one on their lips -- you'll both be surprised by how satisfying it can be. Just be mindful of where you are, and if things do start to get hot and heavy, do everyone a favor and find a more private spot.   Stay dressed. Make sure you're fully clothed before you commit to this endeavor. You're only tempting feelings of rejection if you prance around in something skimpy beforehand and then try to convince your kissing partner not to go any further.   Use different techniques to keep things simmering, not boiling. Once you've found a place to get comfortable, don't start going to town immediately. The point is to build things up, not to get you both immediately worked up and frustrated. If there's a move that you know gets your lover's heart racing (like earlobe nibbling or lip biting), do it, but only for a split second. Then get back to the kissing. Maybe kiss around his or her lips for a little bit, then come back to the main attraction. And don't be frantic about any of it. If you sense that control is being lost, just slow your own pace, and your partner will most likely follow. Also, it's very important that the furthest south the kissing goes is the collarbone. Do I really need to explain why?  
    Remember the importance of the embrace. Nothing feels more comforting than being in the arms of the one you love. Personally, few things get me hotter when my boyfriend and I are kissing than when he places both hands on my face. It just feels so intimate -- as though I'm the only one on earth that he's ever kissed like that. Yes, I know that's not true (yes, it is!), but there's nothing wrong with feeding the fantasy. So, run your fingers through your partner's hair, caress her face, touch her lips, and pull her closer to you.   But also remember the importance of not touching. Obviously, this kissing-only outing is not going to last if you're both groping each other's privates. Try to keep the fondling to the arms, neck, back, and shoulders. If your mate is trying to go for the gold, simply move his hand elsewhere. The best move for this is to take the wandering hand and just entwine it with yours, or maybe turn it into a playful restraint situation by taking both of their hands and gently pinning them with your own, above the head or to the sides.   Try getting things started when you know you or your partner have to go somewhere soon. That guarantees (for the most part -- I've not discounted quickies) a stopping point without anyone's feelings getting hurt. It also gives you that revved up, "I can't wait to get back home" feeling that can make for some pretty explosive sexual encounters later.  
    Mostly, just have fun. Again, this is to improve your love life, not restrict it. Obviously, if you're feeling it, then you should do whatever makes you feel good. Or if you know that your partner will be taken aback by not "closing the deal," then teasingly whisper that you're trying to get them hot and bothered so that when you do make love later, it will be better than ever. So there you have it -- a simple blueprint for "Makeout City." Whether or not you use these particular techniques, kissing your own sweet baboo (and no, that's not a euphemism for any body part) will enrich and enliven your relationship. Not to mention, it will assure your partner of your love and let him know that, regardless of the longevity of your twosome, you are still as attracted to him as you ever were. Now, go load up on lip balm, turn on the radio and get to smooching! MyPleasure is dedicated to improving people's lives by providing them access to the best sexual health information and sensual enhancement products available. Do you think Kissing is a lost art? Join us in our forums to discuss this topic.
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    Source: Relationships & Love

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