Is your sex life not much fun? Is it, literally, the same old, same old? Well, join the club. Any couple who have been together for any length of time have the same thoughts. Because every couple, no matter how turned on they are to each other, or in love, create their own patterns and habits. And like it or not, there’s not a lot of distance between patterns and routines.
Routines by definition aren’t necessarily awful. For example, let’s say you and your partner are in a pattern of always making love in your bed, just before you both go to sleep. The positive part of this pattern is this time frame works for you. Orgasm just before sleep leads to a better sleep because orgasm is a natural sedative. Not to mention, making love in bed feels good. Beds are sturdy, and they’re comfortable. The trouble starts when bed is the only place you make love. That’s a routine. That’s a rut.
How to get out of it?
If you love a bed, climb into a different one. Check into a hotel. Got a spare room? Use it. Don’t have another bed? Make small alterations to the one you’ve already got. Change things up by adding or subtracting pillows. Dress the bed in satin sheets.
Jump start sex by touching or kissing something different. Always get the ball rolling with a kiss on the lips? Kiss his or her knees first. Focus on a body part you’ve ignored up until now.
Engage in different pre-sexual activities. Is date night always dinner and a movie? Inspire sexual novelty by doing alternative activities before you hop in the sack. Do something physical. It’s proven that physical activity activates sex drive. Go out for Latin dancing, or bowl, or ice skate. Even a walk after dinner can be sexy and intimate.
It takes effort and imagination to break a sexual rut, but it’s worth it because ruts lead to boredom, and when you’re bored, two terrible things can happen. Either you lose your libido, or your interest begins to wander, which can lead to the big A. A as in “adultery.” Nobody wants that.
Even tiny variations on your lovemaking routines will pay off. You don’t even have to leave your comfort zone.
Eve Marx is the author of 8 sex books. Her titles include "What's Your Sexual IQ?", "Flirtspeak: The Sexy Language of Flirtation," "The Goddess Orgasm," and "101 Things You Didn't Know About Sex." She is married, is a mom, and lives in New York.
