Q&A
Impotent Husband, Depressed Wife
My husband has become impotent since a motorbike accident. He also has revealed some dark experience as a child and the whole topic of sex has become a source of anger and rejection. I feel impotent, as I cannot raise a response in my man. I also feel I cannot practice as a midwife as I used to -- it all is around sex and the product of sex. I feel pretty miserable. I was so alive and passionate about life and now, well, it is sad. We are seeing therapists -- but I hope one day we can do this Tantric thing and be happy again ...
Life is difficult enough when things happen to us that we can see coming, but to have something like this happen fast, without warning, is even harder.
I have empathy for you. I don't personally equate midwifery and birthing with "sex." It has much more to do with bringing a new human being into the world. The sex happened nine months ago. Please don't stop what you love to do in the world. It is a gift to both you and the mothers and babies you assist. I don't see that that will help anything.
Make sure that the therapist you are seeing is top-notch. This is important because some therapists have more experience than others and they often specialize in certain arenas like male impotency. If you live in or near a big city this will be easier. You may also want to see an urologist. It is likely that your husband's condition might change over time and you would want to be able to maximize his potential, if that is a possibility. I have recently heard of a couple that, after the wife insisted on giving her husband oral sex, every night, for almost two years, are now having intercourse. He had his prostate removed and was depressed and discouraged but she made him "practice" and that did it!
Tantra isn't so much about the sexual act, it's more about the energy of sensuality, sexuality and spirit. There are many exercises and practices that would help the two of you stay in loving connection and erotic pleasure. If you can get your husband to relax and enjoy what is possible he won't have to deny himself -- and you -- the touch, loving expression and the sensuality that you both deserve. Eye gazing, sensual massage, discovering your G-spot and finding new ways to pleasure you will help him get closer to the source of pleasure again for himself. Even intentional, erotic, breathing exercises can bring the two of you to orgasm without even taking your clothes off.
Your biggest sex organ is your brain. I might add that you could include your skin, too, because it is so diverse and it covers your whole body. Your erogenous zones are everywhere. Both of you can find new ways to explore sensual touch. If you combine this with breathing exercises it could easily take him into non-genital orgasms.
I suggest that you both read the article: "How To Have Energy Orgasms" by Dr. Annie Sprinkle. It's located on Tantra.com.
Practice it a few times before you decide if it is working for you or not. Keep reassuring your partner and don't get discouraged. He will begin to shift, I'm sure of it. The most important thing you can do is to keep your spirit intact. Find ways to build your happiness up again through compassion, friends, helping others and treating yourself well. You, and only you, are responsible for your experiences in life -- your pleasure and your pain. It sounds to me as if you had a great handle on it before so now is the real test. Find your spirit, girl, and share it with the world. Your husband will follow!
For more information about Suzie Heumann and her work, visit www.tantra.com. To really get the most out of your loving, consider some advanced training. The Tantric Sex Guide is your 24 hour a day guide to the skills that will take you to new heights of pleasure and intimacy.
