Masturbation for Erectile Dysfunction

Dear Dr. Betty,

I've recently been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction disorder. I've been working with a doctor to improve my sex life. These days, pleasuring myself has become a challenge. Do you have advice on ways to masturbate so that I can become aroused and ready to sexually gratify my partner? --A.

Dear A.,

Sex depends just as much on the mind as on the body. Let's begin with your emotions and attitude; when they're in the right place, your body often follows their lead.

Generally, men think about sex more often than women, and start to masturbate at a younger age and more often. Self-pleasuring is not evil or a sin, but you may have gotten messages to the contrary as a child. These thoughts and attitudes, especially guilt, linger in adulthood and affect our ability to experience gratification. Even fantasies may induce guilty thoughts, particularly if religious teachings or parental messages supported their immorality. It's time to clear away the emotional debris of early negative messages. Consider this: Masturbation is part of taking care of your body, like a healthy diet and exercise. In fact, good health and your sexuality are intimate partners in enhancing your life.

Did you know that most men have erectile difficulties at one time or another? Are your expectations for performance realistic? Unrealistic expectations can cause an ever-escalating anxiety that reinforces itself as you replay negative mind tapes like, "I'm a failure." Consider your self-esteem.

Your Self-EsteemHow do you feel about yourself and about your life in general? Doyou have problems with work or your health? These can adversely affectyour self-esteem, which often translates into sexual problems. What ishappening in your relationship? Does your partner support you regardingyour erectile dysfunction? Do certain conflicts take center stage?Anger is one of the biggest turnoffs; you need to honestly examine itssource and introduce emotional stability to promote healing in yourrelationship. Another mind activity? Fantasy. Sexual fantasies can enhance arousal,intensify masturbation, create the mood for making love, and facilitateorgasm by clearing your mind, promoting a sense of abandonment, andpreventing all stressful thoughts from intruding. And it's risk-free!Men become more aroused through visual stimulation than women do, souse erotic reading material and pictures along with your fantasies. Your BodyIf you've ruled out physical or medication problems with your doctor,then you need to work on controlled arousal or your ability to learnwhat feels good and to experiment until you have control over yoursexual responses. With improved attitudes, partner cooperation, andmind diversions like fantasies, and relaxation, you can try these stop/start exercises to help you realize your sexual potential. Sincemale hormone levels are highest in the mornings, it would help to trythese exercises then. You can do them alone or with your partner.Remember to be patient, and use a lubricant.
When doing thisalone, become comfortable touching your soft penis. Try differentstrokes and touches. See what feels best -- what arouses you the most.Avoid watching yourself. Instead, close your eyes and focus on yoursensations. It isn't necessary to become erect, but if you find youbegin to get hard, stop touching yourself and let the erectiondecrease. Allow around five minutes for this exercise.Your Mind and Body After experiencing anerection with the previous exercise, you can continue by introducingfantasy and pictures that activate your arousal. Continue strokingyourself; when you become erect, stop. When your erection recedes,start stimulating yourself after a few moments and see if you canbecome erect again. Remember to let go of stress -- good sex comes whenwe can float into our sensual feelings. Before beginning thefinal exercise with your partner, discuss your goals and decide whatwords you'll use to have your partner stop and start the stimulation.Keep in mind that you're learning how you want to be touched andstimulated: focus on yourself and your feelings, not your partner.You'll have time for that after you've gained control over your sexualresponsiveness. Now, start with a sensual massage withouttouching each other's genitals to get you both in the mood. The nextobject is to become comfortable having her touch your penis when it isnot erect. This may be a challenging hurdle, but surmounting it canserve you well. Agree beforehand that you will not get erect; your goalis to keep your mind focused on the sensations produced. Have hercaress, touch, and explore. Tell her what feels good. If you start toget an erection, have her stop. You need to allow your soft penis to betouched, while striving for a comfort level at the same time.If you take your time proceeding through these exercises, you can learnto appreciate your own sexuality, gain control over your ejaculations,and finally share this information with your partner for a fuller,richer enjoyment of each other.------To read past Dr. Betty columns, go to the Ask Dr. Betty Archive.
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Source: Relationships & Love

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