Yes. Tell the truth. For starters, forget the line, Not tonight, I have a headache; unless you do. By now its a tired joke and likely to cause resentment. Still, too many men and women have considered illness the only legitimate reason for passing up sex. But there are other reasons good reasons for sometimes saying no.
Sexual appetites are bound to vary between the most happy and intimate coupes. All sorts of things can stifle sexual desire: a fight with a family member, fatigue, too much tension including worries about the economy, hormonal changes, and of course, real headaches. In fact, sometimes a headache can be the symptom of sexual problems between a couple and anxiety about sex, say, or even chronic resentment toward a partner. Such psychological states, doctors point out, can often induce physiological reactions such as contraction of the scalp and neck muscles, that may bring on a headache.
If you find that the prospect of sex inevitably does bring on a headache, you are going to need more than aspirin to set things right. Seriously consider seeking professional help from a therapist or marriage counselor.
For those whose relationships are fine but who still dont always feel like making love when their partner does, therapists advise that you should never be afraid to say no. But be honest. If youve had a rough day or are just plain tired, tell your partner. The more candid you are about a sensitive matter like sex, the less likely your partner will get the wrong impression or feel slighted. Communication is crucial to any relationship, and you may discover that talking problems over and leveling with your partner just might work wonders for your sex life.
Robin Westen is ThirdAges Health expert. Check for her daily updates. She is the author of Relationship Repair (Sterling Publishers).
