Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together
Everyone has a different style in bed. You may like it many different ways, but you are probably driven to one aspect of your sexuality most often.
Are you one of the following sexual types?
The Transcendent Type: When you have sex you dont want it to stay physical; you want to go to a higher plane of experience. You like sex to take you to a greater spiritual awareness. You want it to take over all of your senses. If you are the Transcendent type you like sex to bring you to a parallel universe and you dont want to go there alone. You want your partner there with you. You want that existential moment to be a perfect point of shared consciousness and intimacy between the two of you. Anything less feels ordinary.
The upside of this sexual type is that having a transcendent lover means they will work hard to bring you to the peak. If you are the transcendent type you will seek out peak experiences and will settle for nothing less.
The down side of being turned on by transcendent sex is that normal average sex can be dismally disappointing.
Or maybe youre the Porn star type. The porn star lover will make the moves that they imagine actors in porn movies are paid to act out. They will get down and dirty and make it look hot. Porn star sex style lovers means getting naughty and acting out a fantasy scene every time they make love. Imagining an audience turns Porn star types on. Sometimes filming the moves for real is even better.
Being the porn star type means creativity knows no boundaries. Being the lover of the porn star actor is a way to be the star of the fantasy moves that only their imagination can contain. The downside of porn star sex is that at times it can feel a little distant and lack a feeling of emotional closeness. Or are you the Emotionally Available Type? This type loves the emotional feel of sex. They cherish the connected feeling that comes from the emotional intimacy of eroticism with a loved one. Even with a more casual sexual encounter an emotionally available lover will try to connect before they make love. Having sex purely for orgasm will be frustrating and feel inadequate. Without an emotional impact the sex can be dull and unsatisfying. The benefit of being an emotionally available type is that the layers of connection and intimacy during sex can bring a deep and rewarding connective experience and create trust and belonging. Ultimately, this allows for deep risk taking and intensive eroticism. The downside of having to be emotionally connected can be that sometimes sex can be purely for fun and still bring rewards for both partners.Most people are a combination of several sexual styles and types. How you are in bed may depend on the night and on your partner. Explore each others sexual styles and be aware that there are options. You can choose a different style and try it on anytime.Tammy Nelson PhD is a psychotherapist in private practice and the author of Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together.
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