It's sandals season. Which means it's exposed feet season. Which means it's pedicure season. Yes, the Discount part of me wants to walk around with Flintstone feet and save my money. The Diva part wants to look purty.
My compromise? I spring for one pedicure at the beginning of the season, then maintain it myself all summer.
So when I get that first pedicure, I really want it to be a good one. Nothing's worse than forking over all that cash, then getting rushed through or leaving with bad results.
This year, I was at the mall and saw a sign that said, "Pedicures $18." I hadn't noticed that particular nail salon before, so I figured it must have been an introductory offer designed to get people in the door. Yee-haw, count me in!
The pedicurist started taking off the fluorescent pink nail polish my niece, Hannah, had applied a week earlier. With her thumb, she flicked a jumbo callus on the side of my big toe, made a sour face and asked, "You want the deluxe?"
"Will you be able to get rid of that with the deluxe?" I asked.
"Oh, yes," she assured me. Hmm, OK. By law, nail salons aren't allowed to use callus shavers. But for some reason I believed her, thinking she must have some magic callus-removal remedy. After all, what is the use of getting a pedicure if you don't walk out with perfect feet to start the season?
So I splurged. Big mistake. Apparently, a deluxe pedicure gets you a "massage" consisting of a couple of half-hearted slaps on your calves and soles, scalding hot towels wrapped around your legs and steaming hot plastic bags molded over your feet. Nothing says luxury like searing pain.
I got about 10 seconds with the pumice stone, and I still walked out with Flintstone feet. My niece, Hannah, did a better job for free with a kitchen sponge and a bowl of soapy water in the garage.
And get this: Instead of buffing and shining my nails with a buffer block, she whipped out the drill they use when filing down artificial nails. I wasn't so much worried about the nail damage as I was being electrocuted.
Turns out, the "deluxe" pedicure was not deluxe at all. It wasn't even a good basic pedicure. This is part of an annoying trend at nail salons. They throw a microwaved sachet around your shoulders and charge you an extra 10 bucks for the luxury treatment.
But what annoys me most is that the sign said "pedicures" were $18. They were actually charging $18 for a change of nail polish. That, obviously, is no deal at all.
Once I was in the chair with my feet in the water, I learned that if I wanted an actual pedicure -- with the trimmed cuticles and pumiced heels -- it would cost me $30. I could have gone to a real salon for that much and gotten a real pedicure.
Lesson learned, I guess.
