Why I Dont Sleep With My Husband

The National Sleep Foundation has found that 1 in 4 couples sleep separately. Count me among them. I havent slept in the same room as my husband more than a couple of nights in over 20 years. Carl snores, wholeheartedly, with gusto. Should it ever become an Olympic sport, Ive got a gold medaler. Forget rattling the headboard or roaring like a lion. He does that in the first 60 seconds. When he gets going, he could break the sound barrier. As a result I sleep in the guest room, leave him the master bedroom, and close both doors. Gladly.

Carl never even spent the night while we were courting. Hed plan to stay at my condo, but after about the third time I woke him to ask him to stop snoring, hed get up and go home. So both he and I knew what was in store before we were married.

There are other reasons couples sleep separately -- restless legs, or having different schedules, for example. I got the husband with the noisy reason. I understand the physical causes. A person's throat relaxes, his tongue falls backward, and the walls of the throat begin to vibrate. Enlarged adenoids or tonsils, polyps, a deviated septum, or being overweight can also cause a problem.

Not surprisingly, more men than women snore. Ive heard the argument that wives shouldnt give up. Have your spouse turn on his side, the experts say. Tried that. Send him for a sleep study, they suggest. Did that, too. Carl tried the Breathe Right strips, sleeping with a tennis ball under his back, and a few other things. My husbands a lost cause. Years ago I tried wearing ear plugs, going to sleep earlier than he did. Nothing worked.

So a Bronx cheer to the experts. I like having the whole bed to myself, and I could never share it now. We cuddle in each others bed occasionally, we just sleep alone. Were as close as if we spent those 6 or 8 hours together. I dont miss the spooning if indulging in it means Ill never get off to sleepland.Somehow we handle the problem on vacationsor not. Once I tried to sleep in the bathtub. The surface was too hard. A few times Carl swore he didnt sleep all night just so he wouldnt disturb me. I believe that he actually didnt snore and I argue its proof he can stop if he just puts his mind to it. He looks at me like Im crazy and we drop it.In the last few years, my husband has expanded his snoring to other rooms; Im afraid his malady has gone viral. Many nights we both nod off watching the 6:00 news on the couch. Of course, within minutes my husband is snoring. I'm thinking separate couches are in our future.I read that Richard Gere went to a sleep clinic for his snoring. He said his wife Carey never left their bedroom, although she got little sleep. I think I might possibly make an exception in his case, tooPat Olsen is a NJ writer whose work has appeared in The New York Times and other publications.
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