Together in friendship, close in caring and love, but separate abodes.

Works for me!

My world is inside but my insides can bump against the other worlds outside. A few dents don't hurt but a major collision could. Bumper cars can be exciting and increase your "driving" skills but a good smashing can leave the car in a heap.

The physical dividing line between people is skin. There has long been much ado about difference in physical appearance, and it allows us to associate other differences with skin types.

We'd be in deep doo if we couldn't discern differences. What is the same for us is our skin is the siding of our individual homes.

Long ago I learned that Japanese enabled congested population with sanity, by realizing they really lived alone inside skin. They "turned inward" and tuned out the crowd.

Hostility can turn a married couple in one house into two lonely people, but cultivating this in other emotional conditions is another matter.

Sociologist looked at rats, and figured the future for humans isn't very bright. But we aren't rats, at least not all of us.

If humans turn the tuning knob, a lot of conditions can become tolerable, or even flip into rewarding
existence. Having this task on the table affords a self the opportunity to learn new dimensions of existence.

I think married couples that divorce have tuned their sets all the way to the max, but still don't have a rewarding situation or even tolerable pain.

If one of two cannot, or will not, adjust their own knob then the goal is outside the other's range of change.

Codependency is one knob maxed out, the other set for selfish comfort.

Most people like to play with their knobs, some refuse or don't even understand the issue.

If adjustment was impossible, we would have a lot more in common with rats.

People only get along with rats that are in cages, and we have government run cages for people that can't seem to tune in society's program.

That is probably why we call it a social adjustment issue.

Sometimes separate cages is the only answer.

Thank providence for solutions.

: )

There are so many "truths", paths, choices, and outcomes.

Listening to the heart is a good way to go but included in that pull is the idea also of taking care of one's self. At some point sacrifice of one's self can be overrated.

If my heart were going pitter-patter that would help. But it isn't. That always oils the pistons. :) What my heart is saying is that this man deserves love and care and assistance and I seem to be able to do what very few other women would or could do. And I genuinely love him but more like a very close friendship.

If I had lots of good years left it wouldn't mean much to devote some of that to him exclusively but the truth is, I don't. I have read lots of articles and books on Aspergers and most people who tried to have a "normal" relationship with the Aspie were also faced with the dilemma of whether to stay or go or find some middle-ground solution. I have been working towards a middle-ground solution but it is slow going. Some of the people involved with Aspies fell "in love" and that complicated things yet provided some oil for those pistons. Being "in love" sweetens the pot. But I sure do know more from experience what it is to truly love someone but not be "in love" with them. If things were different I could be perhaps find my heart going pitter-patter but who knows?

I tried to send him out of my life several times but my heart just nearly broke. It was like sending a much too young child out into the world and telling him to make his own way.

I could write more but the bottom line is that I have to take one day at a time. Watching it unfold is fascinating but I can't help wondering what "she" will do next. ;)

A lady asked my advice, seemed to be having guilt over breaking up with a pretty good guy.

The issue was his looks, she couldn't deal with looking at him and was pretty much turned off.

She visited a local dance club several times a month, where 300 or more people showed up on Friday/Saturday.

I listened thoroughly about the guy's campaign, and he finally got a few dates with her by A's for effort.

I told her that every week she went home alone she turned down at least a couple hundred, they just didn't know it.

I said considering she only had one life, her rightful duty to herself was trying for a blissful experience.

I said the guy would look on the times together as a lucky streak over normal, and have good memories.

I run into her about six months later, and she reported finding a fellow just as nice as the one she left behind. She said her heart went pitter patter whenever she thought of him, or looked at him.

She thanked me for dissolving the guilt that would likely have dragged her back. Bless his heart the fellow kept trying, but she gave him a firm no.

Best outcome for all three, I'd guess.

Would you want to be with someone that doesn't really want you?

It could get pretty yucky, don'tcha think?

She sure had a good smile, and that counts for a lot.

: )

You are such a caring and seemingly normal person. I am sure that you will both benefit by your “relationship”

I do know a youth who has Aspergers, and the social difficulties that he has - and his family.

Your post sent me off on a google revision of the condition, and I found a very interesting account of sufferers own reports. In fact as I read through - I could often see myself there!! It is possible because I have never been entirely at ease in a social environment, but I DID learn how to care and help people in my profession. As I have often said - I still don’t really understand the word LOVE. Maybe I am an Aspie.

Very interesting. I haven’t read them all as yet, because the page is very long.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the-main-symptoms-of-aspergers-syndrome...

Wendy, my wife, is on the Board of "The Children's Guild Foundation." IT is a foundation that effects change, provides opportunities, and promotes inclusion and diversity for children with special needs and their families by advocating on their behalf and funding organizations.

She is constantly amazed at the parents of the children; their love, patience, caring and devotion to helping their children live the best that they can.

Many do not see it as a burden, but as a gift to broaden their purpose for being here.

Maybe that's your purpose, Brenda.

I had no idea what Asperger Syndrome was until a perfectly wonderful person came into my life who seemed a bit "different". Being in this person's life has presented me with some real challenges.

It has been called many things - developmental disorder, psychiatric disorder included - but it is basically a neurological disorder that causes the "Aspie" to process information differently from most of us. This requires a lot of patience and understanding if you choose to have any kind of a relationship with one.

Asperger's Syndrome is the other end of the Autism spectrum. Most people know about autism but very little about Aspergers.

There are many famous people who are (or were if they are deceased) Aspies. They are very bright and intelligent but socially they don't have a clue (though some can learn or be self taught to get by). They are excellent in some types of work but not in others. "My Aspie" was a consultant who had to go into companies and figure out what was not working very well and then come up with ways to make it better. He was outstanding in that field. A lot of Aspies are not so fortunate to find their perfect vocation.

Since they don't process information in the "normal" way, you often find yourself having to explain the simplest things (in detail which is tedious) so that they can understand. Most of us can converse and process the information so that without saying a lot we "get it" - the whole enchilada - but Aspies don't. They are not stupid. They are highly intelligent but cannot "get" simple stuff that we take for granted.

They need people in their lives who care about them but probably can find few who can live with them on a constant basis or who even want to spend any length of time with them. They take a lot more love and attention than most of us are able to give for an indefinite period of time.

Educating myself about how his mind works has helped me to relate to him in ways that are more helpful to him and is just now beginning to come together enough for me to alleviate some of my own stress and discomfort while I try to be a good friend and help to him.

You don't know how many times I have wanted to run away from this situation. But I find that I can't abandon him when I know that very few people understand what he has or that he has anything for that matter. They just know he seems to be a pain in the butt. :)

It is what it is. He deserves love, attention, care, and someone who can to some extent understand him. Not many applicants for that job. Why me? Who knows?

I sometimes think it is my natural vocation (or my needing to hone my Good Samaritan skills) that brings people into my life for me to "help". I have been blessed more than many people. So from my blessings I need to pass it on to those whose paths I cross that need a little help as others have helped me.

Maybe it is just that simple (and yet that complex). At any rate, I have a whole new appreciation for parents, spouses, and people who have loved ones with any kind of disability or handicap or challenge.

Now I know why I can survive the current stress. Chaos in every room, holes in floors, no kitchen sink or cooker - wires projecting through walls.... and the rest.

Thank goodness for my favourite biscuit. May be only available here in UK - McVities DARK CHOCOLATE hobnobs. Made with oats which is good brain food!

I reckon about 3 a day will keep the stress levels stable.
Thanks for that reassurance Irene.

.

Maybe best to sometimes NOT think LOL xoxoxox

As long as you know that you are not the sand nor the box, nor the ground it sits on nor whoever is in there with you nor are you the toys you play with. You ARE however that which is aware of the sand, the box, the ground, the "others" and the toys.

I am an empath (to some extent) and I just realized that I need to pull out my "remember" card and stop getting lost in forms like someone else's pain or problems. Awareness of other’s needs, problems, etc., does not require that I get lost in all that. It also does not require that I get stuck in my own stuff.

I also realized that my mood, my thoughts, my outlook, or even what I think I know can change from one minute to the next. Things are very transient and every changing. It’s kind of silly to get too serious about anything when you think about it let alone caught up in it. But then, humans can be awfully silly at times.

No, either I didn't scroll down or it hadn't come up yet when I did. (AIGN=Australian Industry Greenhouse Network)

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

My head said one thing and spelled it out but my fingers had a mind of their own. ;)

.

AIGN me up? What's up with that?

Try, try again.

Re Chocolate Study: SIGN ME UP!!!!

OK, honestly? It doesn’t take a scientist to tell me that chocolate makes me feel better. But they’re saying it anyway–new evidence that dark chocolate helps ease emotional stress was just published in “Metabolic Effects of Dark Chocolate Consumption on Energy, Gut Microbiota, and Stress-Related Metabolism in Free-Living Subjects.” I don’t know how my gut microbiota feel about it, but it’s doing wonders for my mood.

The study found that eating about an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of stress hormones in the bodies highly stressed.The daily dose also partially corrected other stress-related biochemical imbalances.

And that’s not all…Sunil Kochhar, and colleagues note growing scientific evidence that antioxidants and other beneficial substances in dark chocolate may reduce risk factors for heart disease and other physical conditions. Although studies in the past have suggested that chocolate may ease emotional stress, there was little evidence until now from research in humans on exactly how chocolate might have those stress-busting effects.

In the study, scientists identified reductions in stress hormones and other stress-related biochemical changes in volunteers who rated themselves as highly stressed and ate dark chocolate for two weeks. “The study provides strong evidence that a daily consumption of 40 grams [1.4 ounces] during a period of 2 weeks is sufficient to modify the metabolism of healthy human volunteers,” the scientists say. Sign me up!

Hello from OZ, Sunday morning

My husband who is part of the Offcial Marshall Team for the Australian Masters has been away from the house for the last four days, therefore much time alone has been my fate. Guess what? I feel guilty being so lazy, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Reading, writing, watching old movies and interesting docos on the History and Discovery channels. I bought the DVD of Man from Snowy River by 'Banjo' Patterson (Australian history) and was promptly presented with a two volume set of his poems when a neighbor found out just how much I am interested in the lore of my new country of residence.

All of that was immensely enjoyed at the time when I was thoroughly absorbed but when I came up for some air and noticed the clock I was shocked. You see, I don't do thing by half. It's whole hog or nothing.

When I lived alone (like Biblio) on a Mountain Top in the Laurentians I was content with my independence, came down into society only when I felt like it which was not too often. I slept when I felt like it, ate when I felt like it, no roster for living, just doing it.

So, when I was asked, invited, cajoled, begged to consider sharirng my life I was in a state of negativity. No way! How could I possibly?

A lot of thinking, reasoning had to be done before giving up this ideal (to me) life style.

Caring for my aged parents was the only priority in my life who lived 15 minutes away by car on another mountain and easy to get to through the back roads without going into town. Perfect!

For starters I told him that I kept a baseball bat beside the bed in case of intruders. If I 'felt' someone near me i n the night I'd probably kill them LOL He wasn't the least deterred. :-)

I guess being part of a couple takes courage as welll as consideration for another's well being. What makes our union work is the limits established. When he becomes too BIG in my space I tell him to back off, God bless him, he does! When I step on his toes he keeps silent until I relaize myself jsut how annoying I must be and then I apologize. Amazing eh?

So, living alone has it's pleasures as does sharing. It depends on the people. If they are too large like the blown up dolls of Macy's Parade I imagine sticking a pin in them and they flatten out to nothingness. Then one does not have to deal with them. Try it dear Brenda. The imagination is a marvellous tool. xoxoxoxox

What is near the space bar that when we click on it in error the whole post disappears? Gee, and it was a good one ha ha ha ha ha :-)

I have a sense that David (unusually) just may agree that we are exactly where we put ourselves in life by our choices -- either on a mountain top or in hells kitchen.

Thank you.

The meaning of life is life itself.

There is lots of stuff in life, but it is all life.

It is all spiritual, serenity being the most popular segment.

Bren, apparently you are living with someone that doesn't know much about the road less traveled.

Poor thing, God bless he/she.

Thank providence you are you.

That, aside from gunfire, is the only relief I can imagine.

:)

Margaret, I think for some of us there comes a time when we like company but not 24/7. Different temperaments at different times in our lives can also happen I think.

Irene sometimes I am more "human" than I like but I am wondering if we can be out of balance either way - too head in the clouds spiritual or too leaded footed in the earth.

I'd like to blame everything on hormones or something else but even so, I am the only one sitting in the middle of my consciousness. I watch sometimes amused by how my frame of mind can go from one extreme to another or at least from one mood to another. And...I know that my reactions are largely based in what I TELL myself about what is happening rather than the thing itself. Ego loves to get my attention. LOL

I have noticed and wondered if any of you have that as the population increases and the crowds and traffic grow exponentially, that the nerve endings seem to be more sensitive? That is, nerves are a little rawer and eruptions of temper and frustration have a tendency to escalate.

Sociological studies have been done regarding the impact of crowding. Not a pretty sight.

Just a while ago I went to a strip mall and there was some "business" or club or something for young people that was open today. There was tenfold the number of cars in the parking areas and there was loud "music" blasting everywhere. I have no idea what genre the "music" was and I hesitate to call it music - it was very noisy, you couldn't understand the words, and it felt very uncomfortable to my senses. The effect of that music left me feeling as though what was being transmitted were things akin to futility, madness, unhappiness, death, destruction, a sense of being lost and having no real purpose. I couldn't wait to get back in the car and leave.

Our parents used to have a fit because the music we listened to was suggestive regarding having sex and maybe drinking beer depending upon what music you listened to. At least sexual activity is normal and natural but this stuff they listen to now is close to depravity in my opinion. Or like they say on Law and Order - depraved indifference. That is really scary.

Hi Brenda: My, my. All those messages for several years about the attaining of inner peace, but I thank you for them as they have helped me to find peace within.

Another of your lessons -- and a good one -- is to find meaning in life through service to others: so be glad that you now have a meaningful life. And a further lesson (but not one that you have promoted [I'd suppose that Irene is more in tune with it] is redemption through suffering. Surely the cross you bear is heavy, but if the burden leads to eternal joy it may be worth a few months of strain.

I do know, I have experienced, the distress of having someone, quite different from me, move into my home: it was called marriage and indeed (I confess with contrite heart) I was occasionally moved to anger. But that was long ago; I learned my lesson; I moved to the top of a mountain from which I presently face the world with calmness, recharge the soul's batteries with the glory of God's sunsets,
experience mental tranquility, and still have the temerity to urge upon my friends that they follow the path of calm acceptance. Stoicism still has a message for us.

"so there!" ha ha ha ha ha

Sharing, preaching to the choir, mulling over guru messages, seeking through study, all the methods put together if not tethered in peace cannot allow for balanced sanity.

I smile here 'cause you show just how human you are and the wad caused by panties looms large.

:-) Be still and know I'm there! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You have my sympathies.
I find house space invasion to be my biggest stressor of all, whether it be guests or workmen.
It is so much worse when you live alone!

First of all Biblio, aka David, I have to say that if you had a "visitor" or house guest or whatever that was with you day in and day out, I have a feeling pretty soon you would be finding your "anger button". It is when you live with people especially those who have come into your home for some reason or another for more than a short visit that your patience or tolerance is tested.

If find that when that builds up enough, I start getting more "testy" everywhere in my life. I can't be yelling at my "guest" all the time so I stuff it and it comes out someplace else. I find myself "going off" for seemingly insignificant reasons.

I have a new appreciation for those folks who, for whatever reason, have to live with a child or other adult who needs special attention or care because of physical, mental, or emotional disease or dysfunction. A “normal” person living in your home can get to you after a while as well because they may have some problems that are not so cut and dry. Or you find that you just cleaned up the kitchen and there’s a mess you didn’t make or several rooms in the house have been “taken over” by this person and it is full of their stuff and their mess that you have little control over (or at least it seems so).

So David let someone (especially someone VERY different from you) move into your house, live with him or her for a period of time and then tell me you are calm, serene, and enjoying nature. ;)

It is very easy to sit on a mountain top with no one around with little to no challenges coming your way and be spiritual.

In fact anger is a dominant human emotion - even when controlled without the shouting and rage, the molecules of that emotion will still be produced. If we have learnt to be good tempered and in control of anger, well of course those chemicals will soon be defused, and instead of rage we will be temporarily frustrated - won’t we.??

That is soon followed by calm acceptance of events, but in my case I have not reached the spiritual maturity to not flinch as a first reaction to such incidents... Way to go yet!

Nan - I am so sorry about your accident. What an example of life changing in a hurry. Like Irene - the thought of dependency being lost would be a major nightmare. Hope you are continuing to heal.

As for the dog - Why do people not train their dogs and keep them under control?? Especially the big dogs and those that look frightening! Cesar Milan shows how it is always the owners who have the problem, not the dog.

Good luck with Scooter, Brenda - you don’t want complaints about him for barking!

Whilst talking of dogs, I am delighted with my new Hearing Dog - Sally. She is a Lowchen, and is SO calm. Today is the first day we are alone - a break from workmen and dog trainers. I am very lucky to have a TRAINED dog - but of course I have to keep doing the sound practice with her. She is trained to not bark at all, so when the doorbell rings - she comes and taps me, then takes me to the door (where I keep a box of treats for her).

Ruby - the ex- hearing dog in training was always too lively, especially with visitors and socially. We tried for 3 years to make it work and she was brilliant at telling me about sounds, but just too much energy for me. Glad to say that she is very happy in her new home, where I still see her, and hope soon to introduce her to Sally.

Hello Nan (and all others). I'm very sorry to hear about your ordeal. Why people keep large and potentially vicious dogs such as German Sheperds is beyond me. I think those people have a deep-seated inferiority and need a big dog to make them feel safe and bestow status on them. You are very kind to be concerned about their financial position. At the least, I think you should let the Animal Control Dept. know about the attack.

Why are the ladies here so angry? To be sure, many things can properly elicit our concern -- such as the troglodyte Republicans' opposition to universal health care. But incidents in our personal lives, especially amongst those of us with long practice of spiritual living, ought not to push us into anger. Calm acceptance of misfortunes over which we have no control is the key. Calm acceptance, and appreciation of the beauty in every-day things -- web sabi.

This afternoon, Nature put on a magnificent display of art in the Western sky, an art that at the same time drenched us in beauty and reminded us once again that we have much for which to be grateful. In the presence of such beauty, is there room in our souls for anger? I think not.

You are a very nice lady and must follow you heart and nature about suing; however, I hope you filled out some sort of police report or something.

Three months in a wheel chair, eh? hhhhhmmmm

So will Sid be the maid? :-) Lordy, what a situation. I immediately think of showering, teeth cleaning , all the hygiene stuff that is so very private, for me anyway.

Lucky dog, NOT so lucky YOU! Take care and I'll pray for patience. xoxoxoxoxoxo

Three months in a wheel chair, eh? hhhhhmmmm

So will Sid be the maid? :-) Lordy, what a situation. I immediately think of showering, teeth cleaning , all the hygiene stuff that is so very private, for me anyway.

Lucky dog, NOT so lucky YOU! Take care and I'll pray for patience. xoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks Brenda!

I know what you are saying. I haven't decided what to do, but I think I will insist that they get some obidence traing for their dog. I don't want to sue, because I know they don't have a lot, but they will have to do something about the dog, before it happens again.

Your house in Florida sounds wonderful. Do you play golf? My brother inlaw in Florida,that is blind, remarried at age 82 and moved to a nice Senior Mobile Home park in Orange Florida. He has his seeing eye dog and a yorkie. They love each other. LOL

Have a Great weekend!

Nan

You seem to have a fairly calm response to your ordeal Nan. I know you don't think what happened is okay. It sounds like the attack dog didn't attacked per se but rather jumped at you because you had your dog in your arms and THAT was what he was after. But that doesn't excuse or negate the attack and your injuries. I certainly hope they are taking care of the expenses you have incurred because of their dog (who has already been reported to be a nuisance). People have a right to own animals but with ownership comes a certain amount of responsibility. Seniors should feel safe to walk their dogs. In fact ANYONE should feel safe walking there.

But you are surely right. You never know when something unexpected like that is going to happen. Yet we cannot live every day as though we are expecting something awful to happen. We would become prisoners of our fears and take away a lot of our enjoyment of life.

Take care of yourself Nan and mend quickly.

I think everyone here knows I have a Yorkshire Terrier named Scooter. He is little weighing in at 12.5 lbs. When I am in my place in Florida where each house sits on a small lot, I am very conscious of his barking. He has a very sharp and loud voice and because there are golfers passing by in their carts on a regular basis, he has plenty of opportunities to bark. So I am actively working on training him to allow the carts and to save his voice for really important things. ;) I feel it is my responsibility to keep his barking to a minimum. I think that it is my responsibility as a pet owner.

The owners of the dog that attacked you has no excuse for not keeping their dog under control in whatever manner that works best. This is especially true since they have had problems with him before - this is not the first time. I watch a those "Dog Whisperer" shows now and then and some of the worse dogs can be trained out of misbehavior.

Well, that's my two cents worth. :)

Hi Everyone!

I haven't posted for a long time, but I have read your post almost everyday.
I had an accident last Sunday and it has really changed my life. While I was walking my little dog last Sunday, we were attacked by a big german shepherd. It is a neighbor's dog and he weighs about 150 lbs. He got out of the yard and came running at us. When I saw him I picked up my dog, so he jumped me. The impact sent me spinning and I went down hard and broke my leg in three places. I had to have surgery and I have all kinds of metal in me. LOL They don't want me to put any weight on my leg for three months, so I'm in a wheel chair for now.
Things can really change in a hurry, when you least expect it.
I'm on the mend and I know I'll get through it. By the way, I never let go of my dog and I was craddling him when my neighbors heard me yelling. THey said that they had to pry him out of my arms. He is getting old and blind. I'm so glad that that other dog didn't get to him. Some of the neighbors said that that dog has attacked other dogs before, but he usually doesn't attack people. Anyway he is dangerous, because there is a lot of seniors that walk their dogs in this Park. Something needs to be done about him.I know I won't ever feel safe walking here again.

Have a Good Day!
Nan