I was carrying around a to-do list the length of my arm so maybe thats why, while waiting on a line at the bank I felt my agitation percolating to a boil. Breathe, breathe, I reminded myself which calmed me down for a moment and also got me to thinking about patience. It may be a virtue, but Im not very good at it and Im probably not alone. This trait doesnt come easily to most of us and its harder now to be patient than it has ever been. In todays world of instant everything -- technological advancements, readily available credit, fast food, and news bites were able to get, experience, and consume practically anything we want almost immediately. So, who needs patience? Well, according to experts, we all do.
Being able to take our time keeps us healthier (patience makes the difference between an inflammatory response that harms the body and enrages our minds, and a calm reaction that stabilizes glucose levels, blood pressure, digestion, and breathing), results in better decision making (when were patient we take the time to assess the situation, see the big picture, and weigh the pros and cons), nurtures compassion and empathy(folks who are patient are less likely to make snap judgments about others), creates calm (when we learn and practice patience, we dont get as angry, stressed, or overwhelmed and were more in control of our emotions and in a better position to deal with tough situations with ease and poise) and increases happiness. As the Dalai Lama explains in his book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook of Life: If you possess this inner quality, a calmness of mind and patience, a degree of stability within, then even if you lack various external facilities that you would normally consider necessary for
happiness, it is still possible to live a happy and joyful life.
Convinced patience can help you and those around you feel more content? Try some of these simple methods to help you go with the flow: Try to figure out why you are in such a hurry. We tend to lose our patience when we're multi-tasking or when we're on a tight schedule. If you're stretching yourself too thin, you should reconsider your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation. Try to spread out your tasks so that you're doing only one thing at a time. Delegate responsibilities to others if you can; this in itself may be a test of your patience, but you have to learn to share the load.Pinpoint the triggers that often make you lose your patience. Impatience can creep in and if you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy you may not even realize that the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience. To reduce the frequency of impatience, it helps to be aware of it. Which events, people, or circumstances always seem to make you lose your cool? Sit down and make a list of all the things which cause you anxiety, tension, or frustration. At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting. What are those realities for you?Breathe. In the long run, developing patience requires a change in your attitude about life, but you can immediately make progress by learning to relax whenever you feel impatient. Take a few deep breaths and just try to clear your mind. Concentrate on breathing, and you'll be able to get your bearings.
Look for patterns. Being aware of your impatience also gives you a chance to learn from it and perhaps uncover a relationship or circumstance that is simply not healthy or constructive, and that you may have the power to change. Figure that out, and you can then think logically about the problem issue and decide whether or not, your impatience is warranted or helpful. It usually isn't, but when it is you can then figure out ways to fix the root problem rather than simply feeling stressed about it. Let go. If there isn't anything that you can do to resolve whatever has triggered your impatience just let it go. Easier said than done, yes, but it's possible, and it's the only healthy thing to do. Initially, you will probably find it difficult to let go if the matter is important to you--waiting to hear back after a medical test result for instance--but you should be able to alleviate impatience that's caused by issues of less consequence (i.e. waiting in line at the grocery store). If you make a concerted effort to be more patient in relatively inconsequential, short-term situations, you'll gradually develop the strength to remain patient in even the most trying and enduring situations.Remind yourself that things take time. People who are impatient are people who insist on getting things done now and don't like to waste time. However, some things just can't be rushed. Think about your happiest memories. Chances are, they were instances when your patience paid off, like when you worked steadily towards a goal that wasn't immediately gratifying, or took a little extra time to spend leisurely with a loved one. Almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals, and other things that are important to you. Good things may not always come to those who wait, but most good things that do come don't come right away.
Expect the unexpected. Yes, you have plans, but things don't always work out as planned. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. Keep your expectations realistic. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you. If you find yourself blowing up over your spouse accidentally forgetting to take out the trash, you're not in touch with the fact that people aren't perfect. Even if the occasion is not an isolated incident but is instead caused by their repeated neglect and carelessness, losing your patience isn't going to make it any better. That's something to be addressed with discussion and self-control. Give yourself a break. The meaning of this is twofold. First, take a few minutes to do absolutely nothing. Just sit quietly and think. Don't watch television; don't even read. It may be hard at first, and you may even feel pretty impatient after a minute or two, but by taking some time out you can essentially slow your world down, and that's important to develop the attitude necessary to develop patience. Second, stop holding yourself and the world around you to unreachable standards. Sure, we'd all be more patient if babies didn't cry, dishes didn't break, computers didn't crash, and people didn't make mistakes--but that's never going to happen. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. Give yourself a break.
Remember what matters. Not focusing on what matters most in this life fuels impatience. Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most. When other less important things fuel our impatience, taking time to remember any one of these items reduces our tendency to want something different right now.Robin Westens most recent book is Relationship Repair (Sterling)See what others have to say about this story or leave a comment of your own.
