Expert Advice Q&A: Can Meditation Improve Our Sex Life?

QUESTION: I've heard of something called Tantric energy meditations. What are these, and how can my partner and I use them to improve our sex life?

ANSWER: Whether devised by a Tibetan Tantric master or a Western neo-Tantric teacher, energy meditations involve conscious focus. They're a means by which to circulate the breath, the imagery and the energy throughout the body and the mind. They might be best practiced initially by oneself, and then later with a partner. By learning and practicing any form of energy work, you'll gain an advanced tool in the quest to ever more connection with the source of sensuous life within you.

Begin by learning to breathe deep, full breaths into your belly. Focus your attention on the "in" and "out" of the breath as you would during meditation. Feel your belly expand with the "in" breath, and feel the air fall naturally from your body on the "out" breath. Practice this for a few minutes or longer every day.

When you feel comfortable with this way of breathing, sit on a straight-back chair or on the floor with a cushion just under the edge of your bottom. Sit Indian-style with your legs crossed, and begin to add a Kegel squeeze to the "in" breath. Let it go on the "out" breath. Breathe in and out through your nose. Squeeze and relax with every breath.

The next step is to begin visualizing the breath going up your spine as far as the back of the inside of your skull, and then out your nose. Imagine that the breath out is bathing your body with light. Breathe in again and imagine that the air is coming from the earth, up your spine, and out over the front of your body. It bathes you in radiant light and energy.

You're creating a kind of "energy pump" when you breathe in and close the pelvic muscles to keep the energy in the body as you circulate it and then release it. Breathe slowly and get accustomed to this kind of breathing. Don't overdo the first few times.

You're ready to add a partner. Sit across from each other and practice this breath together. After a while, try alternating your breaths. You breathe in while your partner breathes out. This causes both of you to breathe in deeply the other's pheromones, the odorless sexual attractants that draw us to one another.

Remember to visualize the energy moving through and over your body. You can even try moving that energy to flow over your partner's body and encapsulate him or her into your energy field.

Add to your practice a faster breath. Do this for no more than 10 breaths the first time. Pace yourselves. You'll find this useful later during lovemaking when you want to increase the sexual charge and turn-on, but also want to control the energy flow and the man's ejaculation rate. It's very useful for the woman to use the faster breath for longer than 10 breaths when she's trying to get more excited. While it may cause a man to lose control over his ejaculation, for a woman it will increase the pleasure and move her to orgasm sooner. Use this technique wisely, for when we breathe together in the height of passion, we tend to match each other's speed.

Visualize orgasmic pleasure and it will follow. Use your mind to move the energy being created in the body. Spread it throughout the body from the genitals. Circulate it. This will be a great key to a man's ability to master his ejaculation.

As you take these energy meditations into your lovemaking, be patient with yourselves. The results will come and you'll reap the benefits of having practiced these meditations. Start your lovemaking in the Yab/Yum position first. The man sits upright and the woman straddles him. He crosses his legs under her and she crosses hers behind his back. This is the close version of the earlier exercise. It allows you to undulate, breathe together and eye-gaze -- all the makings of a grand energy meditation on love!