Today
Acceptance
by Lynn A. Anderson
Posted May 21, 2007 11:33 AM
Posted May 21, 2007 11:33 AM
Posted in
Does age bring with it a deeper sense of acceptance? And what does it mean to accept?
We must learn to accept life and ourselves…with a shrug and a smile…because it’s all we’ve got. – Harvey Mindess
In yoga we might call acceptance the ability to detach and let go. Detachment means that we accept things just as they are without emotion, fear or struggle and through a sense of balance and tranquility we learn to flow with life because life is truly all that we have. When we depart this world we have nothing of value accept the experience and quality of our lives.
Acceptance may be one of the hardest tasks for a human being because by our very nature we always want more. We crave and desire all that we believe we are not or we believe we have not. And it is this craving and desire that leads us to frustration, anger, and disappointment.
Let’s take money for example: we all want and desire more money. It seems no matter how much we have we could all use a little more. So we invest and save and think of ways to increase our wealth. It is a good thing to set goals and strive for more. However it is the unbridled cravings and desires that bring discontentment and unhappiness to our lives. Have you ever watched someone who is discontent? Their body language is rigid and tense, their mind is scattered, and their spirit is down trodden. How about some one who is content and happy? There is a spring to their step, the mind is sharp and alert, and their spirit shines through. The content person always seems younger and lighter and more fulfilled.
The practice of yoga is ultimately about letting go of discontentment and accepting things as they are in the present moment. But what if you don’t want to accept that you are alone, don’t have enough money, can’t find success, and are getting older? How does one wrestle with the discontentment and find acceptance?
Sit down and look at your life just as it is in this very moment. With a shrug and a smile embrace the very essence of your life in this moment (right now be present and aware). Life is ever changing and the present is always subject to new experiences. You have no control over the future. You can only control how you react to the present moment. Accept and be content with yourself and your life because in this very moment it is all that you have. Stop right now and smile, because what you have at this very moment is the beauty and wonder that is known as your life.
Doctor Lynn
www.doctorlynn.com
Comments (19)
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Posted May 31, 2007 7:36 PM
Vivienne..it sounds like you might be feeling a bit better. We certainly hope so. "Time will take care of a few things; love takes care of the rest." (Old song.) :)
Yes, we are spread out around the world in here. I am in Hawaii. Lots of Time Zones.
Posted May 31, 2007 2:37 PM
My dear Vivienne, I am so glad that my words have helped you in some way. That is what we are here for, on earth, and on this website. There is a saying that goes something like this, "Be kind to strangers, for you may be entertaining angels unaware." That is not to say that I am an angel in any way, far from it, but we can act as angels to one another and help each other through this life.
I live in the USA in New Jersey. I have been to England several times and love it there. I always had trouble crossing the streets of London because the cars were coming from a different direction ;-) Anyway, let's keep writing and we can be penpals. Are you right in London, or on the countryside?
God bless you. Take good care. Joan
Posted May 31, 2007 1:16 PM
Dear Jude Rossi and Joan Rhodes,
Thank you very much for your nice comments.Your words was twice effective for me than my family and my friends words.I am writing from London/England I believe you are in a different country.But still you managed to send me warm sunshine feelings.I wish you all the happiness in the world .God bless you.......
Posted May 29, 2007 12:33 AM
Thanks again, Lynn. For many years I've tried to live by "it is what it is" which does not mean I can't try to change it, BUT I first have to accept that it is, indeed, what it isregardless of how much I'd rpefe that it be something different.
Posted May 29, 2007 12:18 AM
frank, i am sorry for your recent losses. and, i appreciate you still took the time to post wonderful wisdom about the different ways of 'acceptance' and change. i could not have said this better and you wrote out my thoughts on this subject as well. my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. hugs, luz.
Posted May 28, 2007 9:23 PM
Vivienne, your post touched my heart. You are not a doctor. Even doctors cannot always make the proper diagnosis. Instead of looking back and feeling guilt about your precious mother, look forward and make your life very worthwhile and let your mother look down upon you and see how well she raised you. Be strong. Know that this life is short in comparison to what we will have later, and it will be so much better. You will see your mother again. But for now, make each day count and try to help someone and just be the good person that you are. I send you love and best wishes.
Posted May 28, 2007 9:10 PM
Dear Vivienne.... honey, there was NO way you could be expected to KNOW your mother was ill. NO way, at all. You are reeling in one of the classic stages of grief and loss. "If only I had.." It wasn't your fault, babygirl.
As for arguing with your mother...well, we have all done/said things we wish we hadn't done/said. But our mothers know us better than anyone...I am sure that she knew of your deep love always there, regardless of the spat. Try to forgive yourself. Your mother long ago forgave you..because that is what mothers do.
God is not going to punish you...you were just being human. Humans have faults. Besides, you have already needlessly punished yourself enough.
Losing our parents is just a fact of our lives. ALL of us lose our parents. They get old; they get sick; they die. This week our dear Third Age friend, Frank, had TWO parental deaths in his family. HIS father, and his Wife's mother. In one week. We have to accept it...it is just the way it is.
It might be good for you to go outside into the world...lift your eyes to the sky, smile and talk to your mother. See the birds, and new life of the springtime. Release your sad feelings onto the wind. Put a determined lilt back into your step, lift your sad heart with the fresh air and beauty of nature. Then set your course, and sail on.
We will be here for you if you need someone to talk to, Viv.
God bless, and Godspeed.
Posted May 28, 2007 11:53 AM
What attracted me to this topic...Acceptance...is my own struggle, the loss of my husband 9 years ago. I agree with the comments that we must move on since there definitely are things we cannot change. It is Memorial Day weekend and my strength is weakened. I do need the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. To those who invoked the name of God, He truly is the source of all Wisdom. Check out the book of Proverbs in the Bible. It is jam packed! I found the New Living Translation [or the Amplified Version] the most readable. It is true, this is not a perfect world and never will be until it is destroyed and Jesus returns. In the meantime, we have His death/sacrifice as a means of atonement [to be "at one" with God]. Jesus would be the first one to agree that we need to love everyone. He loved us and willingly went to the cross for us (suffer death for us) although he did nothing wrong. God honored him with Resurrection and eternal life. And as Jesus promised to those who believe in Him, see John 14, He sends the Holy Spirit to be our helper. It should not be a shock to anyone that we all fall into sinful behaviors. Check out James 4 (lots of insight there, James was the brother of Jesus). Romans chapter 1 is another good chapter. All this to say, learning about God, who gave me life to begin with, has been my journey these past 9 years. I am still on it and it is a joyous ride with a bumps along the way (like now). God does get us through it, because He loves us! I really enjoyed your blogs.
Posted May 28, 2007 11:35 AM
I was very happy and content person I used to see positive side of life all the time.Since I losted my mother in january 2007 world became empty and life became not worth to live for me.I always belame my self I could not notice the sign of her cancer in time which was in her gall bladder , I feel guilty I was arque with her all the time without knowing she was ill. Now I am thinking God will panish me about my behaveiours.Since I lost my mother I started to think my turn is coming I need to prepar my self to die;All those sadness damaged my health since january I started to have many gray hair, losted weight .The most important thing is I losted my hapiness...
Posted May 22, 2007 8:44 PM
I have never heard the second part of that saying Jude. I love it!
Posted May 22, 2007 7:42 PM
That's nice that you and your husband have a mantra, Joanie.
There are/were other "prayers" I used when times were hard, like The Old Shepherd's Prayer:
"Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I together cannot handle."
When I dared to do risky things, take on awesome challenges, go into dangerous situations, for courage I'd say:
"God has His arms around me..I'll be Okay."
These little things give you the strength and courage to march bravely forward into the unknown.
Posted May 22, 2007 2:49 AM
I would like to believe what you interpreted with that sign, Jude. I do not believe in drugs and illicit sex, but I do believe in letting people live their own lifestyles. You mentioned that you have some gay friends, and while some of them run around a lot, I know many who have solid relationships, like my son. Yeah, it's a tough row to hoe in society. Like when they go to a restaurant or on a cruise and sit together they may feel strange. But I believe in live and let live. They are not hurting anyone, just loving one another. Sodom and Gomorrah was rampant sex, everyone having sex with others, males with males, females with females, and men and women, just like nowadays...sex for the sake of sex. It was wrong then and wrong now, but a love relationship is entirely different. That's my take on it.
I love the serenity prayer and my husband and I have developed this mantra day to day, to live in the moment. Never know when the next day doesn't come and maybe we haven't said what we wanted to say to someone we love.
And Frank, you're right, we should take what's good in a relationship and appreciate that and try not to think how much better it could be if....if....whatever. The fact is you have a wife who loves you. Dwell on the wonderful qualities she has, how tender she has been to you since the death of your father. Be grateful that she is there for you and you have so much history. That counts for a lot, that history. You're so good with all your meals that you cook. I can smell them all the way down to Jersey. Keep it up, sweet boy.
Posted May 21, 2007 10:28 PM
Thank you Jude, I'm great with my Dad at peace and my Mom no longer living with the stress and sadness. I understand the whole peace of mind through total acceptance, I just think it would be in the best interest of many people to at least explore the possibility of changing for the better those things that are within their ability. Maybe they mean accept everything even if you plan to challenge or change it, accept it temporarily? I accept certain physical limitations, but still strive to do better given what I have to work with. I accept my wife's problem with Vulvodynia, because to deny it or refuse it would only put more strain on her and would also waste whatever joy and pleasure we can have. I know a lot of people who will accept nothing less than their idea of perfection and if they just accepted the lesser ideal, they would be having so much more fun, joy and love. I think that is something that should be discussed, accepting and appreciating less than perfection in the people we love.
Posted May 21, 2007 9:50 PM
"He-e-e-e-e-rs JOANIE!" lol Welcome back, ladybug! Hope you had a fine time gallavanting about the countryside on vacation. Seems like everyone is going somewhere...my good buddy left this morning for one of those Alaskan Cruises. Several others are off to see the world.
Frankie...are you doing okay?
And Frankie, I agree with your above comment. I live by the Serenity Prayer,,,and I am not even an alcoholic. lol And I also strongly believe in if you don't like your life..don't accept it...change it. We must not become apathetic. Inert by acceptance of negativities we COULD change if we got up off our lazy ass, used our brains, and did so.
Joanie...that billboard probably means not to be so openminded that you go around accepting as Okay/doing stupid things like drugs, other immoralities, etc. We cannot sustain in an "anything goes" society. Sodom and Gomorrah. While I definitely believe in "live and let live," there has to be a right and wrong structure in well functioning societies. I think the billboard reads, "Don't be moralistically Stupid."
Posted May 21, 2007 8:59 PM
Great saying Joan! I tend to be more openminded than most of my fellow church members. Most of my folks ostracize those who don't "fit the mold" but not me. These "oddballs" tend to gravitate to me and they have become some of my best and loyal friends.
We have all kinds of people that some people think shouldn't be at our church. Several of our members are gay. Some are recovering drug addicts, recovering alcoholics. I saw one guy on the state sex offender registry. Quite a few have served time for various offenses. Should they be kicked out? Absolutely not! We the church are supposed to HELP them. If we don't practice acceptance, who will?
Now acceptance doesn't mean folks shouldn't suffer the consequences of their actions. The sex offender served time and is on the registry even though the crime was committed 30 years ago. And he should be. But he is human like everyone else and he made a mistake, who hasn't?
Sometimes people seem to think that acceptance means releasing others from the consequences of their actions. I don't think so. And church folks are bad about this. I think they do throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Posted May 21, 2007 7:54 PM
Deepok Chopra is someone whom I admire so much. He was on Larry King last night. I rent his tapes from the library. He is so spiritual and motivating. Also Marianne Williamson is another person who is wonderful to listen to, or read her books, and Bernie Siegel too. None of them are church affiliated which I find very interesting. Is it church, or religion, that throws out the baby with the bathwater? So many people have been mourning the death of Jerry Falwell, and for sure, he has done some wonderful things, but in all respect for the dead, he was as narrow as they come. That reminds me of a church billboard I rode by yesterday. It said, "Don't be so openminded that your brains fall out." How spiritual is that, my friends?
Posted May 21, 2007 2:27 PM
I see your point Frank. My definition of acceptance means accepting things as they are right now, which I struggle with. Case in point - I'm not overly fond of my job. I am looking for another one and have some prospects lined up. But - at this moment, Monday May 21 at 10:20 a.m., I have to accept that I am currently employed at my present job. I struggle with that because I would rather not be.
I just think that acceptance doesn't mean not changing things that can be better. It just means being content at the present moment. I read another book that said "Happiness means accepting the present moment, whether it's something you want to savor forever or change as soon as possible." Easy to say, so hard to do.
Posted May 21, 2007 2:15 PM
Thanks Dr. Lynn. I am feeling a bit discontent this morning.
Your blog reminds me of the principles in Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Have you read that book? I read it every so often.
Posted May 21, 2007 2:15 PM
Dr. Lynn, I agree in part with what you have said. While acceptance of our circumstance will give us inner peace, I see no harm in refusing to accept things we may be able to change for the better. Unless we contemplate the possibility of change and put into motion a plan to make it happen, how will we know wheter or not we must accept all of life's situations? I think what I'm trying to say, is best said by the mantra used by recovering Alcoholics in which they say something along the lines of "God grant me the strength to accept the things I can't change, change the things I can and the knowledge to know the diference". I probably messed that up, but seems more along the lines of how I think these days.
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