Learning from Life

All of you ==your words have inspired me to go on and make the best of the stituation i am in at the present time. My mate of 12 yrs informed me yesterday that since my daughter and granddaughter and the boyfriend along with the boyfriends friend are moving back to this small town where i live today that i have to leave our house where we reside and live out on my own as he does not want these people around him.. They are leaving a city to come to this one horse town of nothing. I tried to tell my daughter that she is in danger of looseing my granddaughter for the 3rd time if she comes here on account of these two young men and their habits, to stay in the city more oportunites and etc. But i am heart sick and crying at the thought of haVing to leave my mate of 12 yrs to go live alone on account of my daughter and her friends comming here to live. My mate and i are seniors and we enjoy each other, had planned on going down that long dusty road together to the end of the trail. Just two weeks ago i lost my ex of 18 yrs suddenly that was a blow to me, we were ex's but still friends. But my mate throwing me this curve now has really got me in a tizy, he is 73 and i am 66 not youngers any more. After reading all your messages i know others are hurting also. But i am so confused right now i don;t know which way to go but cry and cry some more. Any words of help will be appreciated, some one that has been down this same road. Jessie

After 20 years in the construction game a truck accident put me on a complete 180. My hands shut off. After a few months of doctor visits without much success. My wife returned to the workforce. That left me with our 5, 2, and 1 year old. I have a much better respect for Moms. You try putting a pamper on a 1 year old with 1 hand lol. I'm not complaining though I worked most of the days with my first wife and kids and missed most of this. I've learned when life seems to give you lemons make lemonade.

To Donna and Linda, thank you for sharing yours stories! Yes, for sure, we can somehow find a way to get through those times...those times in which we encounter challenges that in younger days we could have never imagined. Donna, your words about hope are so inspiring. I once heard a pulmonary patient with severe emphysema say, "Hope --- It's just something we have to hold on to." He said it so earnestly, it has remained with me for a long, long time. I recently posted some information on my website about hope, something written by an old friend of mine who was injured in a farming accident and at age 20, engaged to be married, became a quadriplegic. He is now 46 and is doing quite well, relatively speaking, cared for by his mom and dad. He wrote something very inspiring and uplifting about hope and I am honored to share it. There is also a piece about Thanksgiving that speaks of finding positives in adversity. Linda, oh my. I am so sorry you lost your love. But although you miss him so painfully, do be assured, he is always with you. Soulmates never completely leave you. They live on within you. Finally, thank you Jill, for your kind words. If I would have had the life I thought I wanted, I would never have had so many blessings and met so many amazing people. I am eternally grateful for receiving what I never asked for and somehow being lead to discovering a way to find blessings, no matter what . Have a peaceful evening, you all... Jane.

My ex walked out on me after almost 30 years of marriazge and we knew each other since grammar school. About 1 year after he walked out, I met a wonderful man. About a month before the divorce was final the house I was living in was broken into (either my ex or he had someone do it)at this time the man whom I have been dating asked me to move in with him because he did not want me to be alone and wanted me to be safe. The divorce was final towards the middle of August,2002, I lost my job in October took another position (that lasted 6 months because everyone from the company that I worked for they hired us just for their busy season. Being out of work after looking for a job, (I sold my home in the mean time) the man who I met had talked of marriage but, I did not think it was ever possible. Well, last July 2, 2004 we wnet to dinner and he proposed. I said "yes"....well, I had to go out of state for personal reasons and we spoke on the phone every night. I should have been home on Friday afternoon but had a to take care of something and told him that the puppy and I would be home Sat. before we hung up he said that "we need to talk when you get home". Of course thinking of the worse maybe decided not to marry I called to tel hi we were on our way. There was no answer, I thought that he was either in the shower or at the cleaners. It was last year the weekend before Labor day. He did tell me to be sure that I brought my swimsuit back because he had the pool water heating up. Well, the puppy and I arrived home after an 8 hour drive about 4:45 pm. The dogs greated each other and the puppy ran to him to kiss him. He was alseep on the sofa so I thought. I let the pupies out called out his name and noticed that he was not breathing as I walked closer I saw that his fingertips were blue along on his arm. His eyes were open and looking up at the skylite, (the whites of the eyes were already brown along with his teeth etc) I am sure you get the picture. I called 911 and they said that he had passed between 10 pm and midnight the night before. We spoke at 8 pm, it wa 10 years to the date that his mother has passed on Sept 3, but since I found him on the fourt they pronounced him on that date. As I was looking for the clothes for the funeral (along with his daughter, they his children lived downstate) I came across a box already wrapped(Monday, Labor day was my birthday). Since that time things have changed so much...his son whom I was close to had changed, his daughter and I were ok together but not as close as the son and I were. Things we bought togehter to start a new life I was told that I could not take(by the children their lawyer and the aunt who was/is the administrator of the estate and estranged from her brother since the mother passed said it was up to the children to let me have it, they said no.) Now, I moved out of state, I do have the puupies we got together...that is a plus we alwaasy said they should never be seperated. Now, I am living in my own home, trying to make a new llife and ends meet because all the money I had I put down and into this house. It is tough at times and my ex who was to have my credit restored to "good standing" has not done so. So, since 2000 til today I am trying to make the "best" that I can for now. I know in my hears that "one day he and I will be together" because we have as they say "unfinished business". I guess that what I am saying is "no matter what happens in your life time, you have to depend on yourself to pick yourself up and go on". I have brothers and sisters but they do not live close b. I keep in touch with my brothers and two of my nieces who support me alot in my feelings and I can talk to them. One sister is so wrapped up in her life that she is "perfect". The other one had her husband pass this past Feb and I try to let her know I know the feelings she is having...but, our other sister tells me that the diffeence is that she and her husband were to together for 20 years of marriage and he and I were not married. But, it does not matter how long you are together...I feel and felt closer to him than I ever did to my ex....he was my true soul mate. When we spoke of places we lived and grew up around we were close but our paths have never passed. It was not our time to meet until Sept of 2001. We believed there was a reason for this. I know that he watches over me and is here when I need him. I love him and miss him dearly I always will.But, I do know that he would want me to move on and I am trying but it is very hard. So, no matter whom you are with love them as if today were to be the last day with them for yu never know when that time may actually come. I miss you my love.

Because of the illnesses of multiple close people in my life I had to give up a profession I loved. After caring for them for 2 yrs., my colleague/best friend died in Dec.; my 14 yr. old granddaughter died the following Feb; my daughter died in April; my wonderful stepmother died in June; and, lastly, I had to put my 18 yr. old beloved cat to sleep in August. Just as I was getting my self together 8 mos. later, I herniated 4 discs in my back, which laid me up for a year. The following month I developed a disabling endocrine disorder. But, I'm still here. What I've learned from this is that one doesn't "leave these losses behind and get on with life" as well-meaning friends suggest. One never truly gets over these lossed, you just learn to live with them -- and you carry the people you've lost with you forever. Only then does life does go on. Someone asked, "what is that mysterious thing that makes this possible?" It's hope, "the thing with feathers." Thanks all for sharing. Misery does love company, but so does recovery. :>)

My website is: http://www.breathingbetterlivingwell.com Thanks. Jane M. Martin

Jill, you are so right about learning from adversity and being a better person because of it. The way we "plan" our lives out seldom becomes a reality and I am learning more and more that this is actually a wonderful thing. I had planned to be an elementary school teacher, marry somebody tall, dark and handsome, then be a stay-at-home mom with four children, and live in the Chicago area. I am currently living in Michigan, married to a man who is five, nine, blonde (and handsome). But besides my two children, my greatest joy in life is doing my work as a respiratory therapist in pulmonary rehabilitation and teaching people how their lives can be better in spite of having emphysema, COPD, and other breathing disorders. I am amazed each day how these brave folk have learned from their struggles how to find the best in life, make the most of each and every moment, and not only survive, but thrive with chronic lung disease. Many of the people with whom I've worked find it a chore to simply walk from room to room, but they never fail to encourage and inspire their classmates and of course, our staff. Heartbreaks? For sure. Finding out that you have an incurable lung disease when you are just about to retire is devastating! Absolutely! But life goes on, and it can be a good life. But how can I, somebody with healthy lungs, tell our friends with pulmonary disease to just buck up and keep going? Easy for me to say, right? That's why I assembled the stories of those who had been there, connecting people with questions and confusion to the ones who have answers and peace of mind. If you wish to take a look, my website is here. Again, it's great to be here and Jill, thank you so much for validating the value of adversity, peer support, and sharing stories. Jane M. Martin, BA, CRT

What you say is true. I am a life & career expert and creator of The Advice Sisters Web Site http://www.advicesisters.net and it is my job (and pleasure)to give advice to other people--but nothing prepared me for the challenges I have faced in the last couple of year. A good education and resources doesn't protect you, perhpas, but skills, intelligence and support go a long way towards making big challenges manageable.

Lovely piece Jill. Thanks.

You are right life has a way of teaching us the hard way. Losing my only child, then having my husband leave because I was to depressed, then having to sell my home and then coming down with lung cancer certainly taught me a great deal. I found out I wanted to live even after all the losses. It is amazing how low one can go and then have something yank us right back up to reality. We cannot control what happens in our lives, we can only control how we react to what happens. I finally learned to let go. I am healthy and happy but I still miss my baby. Hopefully I will do something with the new lease on life. Right now I am spending a great deal of time supporting myself and taking care of business. As I get stronger hopefully I can do more to help others.

Great start to opening some eyes and showing people options. I am looking forward to your insight and revelations.