Today
When Grandkids Are Abused: What Are the Signs? What Can We Do?
by Jed Diamond
Posted January 5, 2009 7:17 PM
Posted January 5, 2009 7:17 PM
With 5 grown children and 11 grandchildren it’s difficult to get everyone together. Carlin and I visited my daughter and her three kids over the holidays. As usual the kids were rambunctious and full of energy. The oldest just turned 15 and the other two are 9 and 7. Like brothers and sisters do, they fight and tease each other. But something seemed different this time.
As we watched the kids interact they seemed more angry, their play more aggressive, and their mood more somber. We knew it had been a stressful year. My daughter and her husband had separated and the kids were spending time in both households. It’s difficult to get kids to talk, but over the course of three days together, we were able to get each child alone and little by little we were able to get a picture of what was happened.
Their father had always been quite strict with the children, but now we were hearing that he was yelling at them more, slapping the kids when they wouldn’t mind him, and occasionally hitting them when they wouldn’t do what they were told. Our daughter was aware of what was going on, but didn’t know what to do.
We live in a different town and don’t see the kids a lot. Carlin and I talked about what we could do. Could we talk to the Dad? Get the authorities involved? The kids were afraid if he found out they had talked to us it would make things worse for them.
The first thing we did was let the kids know they did the right thing in talking to us. We let them know that we would be there to support them and would do whatever we could do to make things better. We let them know how sad we felt that their Dad was taking his pain out on them and that they weren’t to blame for his anger. We also told them that we would do what we could to be sure the family violence was stopped.
This isn’t the first time we have had to decide if, when, and how we should intervene on behalf of our grown children and their children. Have you had to deal with similar situations? What have you done?
Comments
Have something to say? Share your thoughts.
Posted January 7, 2009 4:36 PM
two resources to support your loving intervention and concern
http://www.uptoparents.org/
http://www.uptoparents.org/lifejackets.cfm
Posted January 7, 2009 4:55 PM
two resources to support your loving intervention and concern"
http://www.uptoparents.org/
http://www.uptoparents.org/lifejackets.cfm
Posted January 7, 2009 4:37 PM
It in one of the highest and best uses of our life's experiences to recognize when kids are under stress and to show our support for them as the adults they look to are having their own difficulties and frustrations. The divorce epidemic, the economy, the uncertainties of splitting up all contribute to tremendously painful situations - your taking the kids aside to learn more and to assure them they have an ally is strong and brave. After posting this, I will research and locate a website that was recommended to me from the Family Court situation to help remind parents not to make this an issue for which the kids feel responsible and helpless.
Ads by Google
