Another Relationship Lesson - Money Matters

As I told you in last week's posting, I recently went to an annual conference, SmartMarriages. Through several days, there were a multitude of workshops on a diverse number of subjects having to do with relationships from all different aspects.

Since so many couples argue about money, I decided to devote this week's blog to this concern. There were a lot of very interesting points brought out that I would like to pass on to you. Hopefully, this information will help your relationship.

What does money mean to you?

One of the points made by a presenter was that money is really symbolic. In other words, very often, it may seem that you and your mate are arguing about money. But it is really a dispute that is regarding what the money represents for each of you. Money can mean different things to different people. For example, it can stand for control, security, power, or self- esteem.

You spend money based on what significance money holds for you. The beliefs you hold about money and the consequential habits about how you allocate your funds have been learned from your childhood. You may not even be aware of what money means for you.

In order to help each of you gain a greater understanding of your personal style, this presenter developed a "card game." By using these cards, you can see where your focus lies and where there are gaps in your partnership.

Once you have come to a better understanding of your personal needs and those of your mate, it will allow you the ability to communicate more effectively about money matters. Additionally, you will be able to have a better grasp on money management and long-term planning.

A different side of the same coin

Another perspective was also discussed in regard to this topic. Though this particular presenter was offering a philosophical issue, she did state something I truly support: How well couples manage their financial issues will have a lot to do with how much trust there is in the relationship.

I'm reminded of a fairly recent client who hid all sorts of business dealings from his spouse and really put their financial future at risk. More importantly, his wife felt that he had committed financial adultery by keeping this information secret. There are a multitude of other examples where there is a breach in the monetary trust that occurs between a couple.

You do not necessarily have to account for every penny with one another; you don't even have to have only one joint checkbook. What matters is that you set some system up that both of you agree upon that works for the two of you and you then keep true to.

Here are some other pointers the second presenter offered to guide couples:

1. Discuss shared goals for saving
2. Make a budget
3. Decide how much you save in common/li>
4. Decide how much you want to give away/li>

Notice that these suggestions focus on commonality and being positive. Hmm ... good concept for relationships in general!

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