Connecting Through Troubled Times

I certainly do not have to tell any of you that this is a time of great economic difficulty. This situation is occurring globally and in some form has an impact on everyone -- whether it is direct or indirect. No doubt, most of you are feeling the stress of this situation.

In times of stress, people generally revert back to patterns that they have used in the past. And, many of these are, unfortunately, not ones that really help the situation. Rather, the typical types of reactions people exhibit are either lashing out in some form or shutting down.

Having a good working relationship is no easy task. When you add stress to the equation, it makes it that much more difficult.

How to make it better

I always believe that each partner has to take responsibility for his or her part in the relationship. So, I'm going to offer tips on both sides of the partnership. If you are the one who is feeling stressed:

1. First and foremost, know that stress is in the "eye of the beholder." In other words, how much stress you experience will depend on how you evaluate what is happening. In reality, there isn't much you can do about the situation. So don't be self-critical; instead, think in terms of what you can do from a practical point of view to alleviate the situation as much as possible.
2. Try to be aware of your stress and relieve it through relaxation techniques or exercise.
3. If you need to take some space, let your partner know that; it will help for him or her to not feel isolated or abandoned.
4. Should you inadvertently attack your partner, "own it" and make a sincere apology.

The other half

From the other side of the relationship:

1. Ask your partner in what way you can best be supportive. Don't assume you know what is best for him or her.
2. If your mate does open up and talk to you, offer support rather than trying to fix the problem; at least do this initially. If you aren't sure what exactly would make your mate comfortable -- support or problem-solving -- ask!
3. Be willing to give your partner space and do not take this as not being cared about. Some people process their problems by going inside themselves.
4. Should your mate lash out, try to not take it personally. This is hard but if you can stay grounded, it won't escalate the stress.

Of course, in times like these, it is probable that you are both feeling tension. But if you can work together and support one another, not only will you get through these hard times more easily, you will also have a better connection with one another.

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