Let’s Get Ready for Valentine’s Day

Well, one of the big romantic days is almost upon you -- or at least, that's what Hallmark tells you. And being a relationships expert, how can I possibly overlook this day?

Usually, all of my posts are totally original. But I do a great deal of reading to stay on top of any new research or findings in the field. I'm sure most of you know, if not by things you've heard in the media, then by your personal experience, that the needs of men and women are different. I came across some information in this regard that can be applied to Valentine's Day. Since I believe it's really helpful, I want to pass it on to you. So, thank you, in part, Dr. Willard Harley, for these great tips!

For the men: Though it may not be important to you, and you may not even "get it," most women enjoy the nurturing and emotional connecting aspects of a relationship. In keeping with those needs, Dr. Harley says that women will want affection, conversation, and honesty and openness. Affection shows your lady that you are thinking of her, that you care about her, and that she is of value to you. When you converse, you share your thoughts and stories of what happened in each of your worlds. By being open and honest, it takes down the barriers between the two of you. When you have these three components, you have created an emotional connection!

Now, guys, since you tend to be more action-oriented, let me spell this out in more concrete terms. How do you do this? Give her hugs, small gifts, and acts of service. Take her out to eat, buy a Valentine's Day Card (adding a personal note scores extra points), give her chocolates and a massage. Ask about her day (make sure to listen rather than watch the game) and tell her about your day, help with the chores. Notice that small deeds are important -- you really don't have to move mountains.

Ladies, it's your turn: First, accept that men are different than you and connect in a different way. They tend to connect emotionally through physicality and visual means. This, according to Dr. Harley, gets expressed by sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, and having an attractive mate. While sex is the ultimate physical connection, having a woman by his side while he is reading, changing the oil in the car, golfing, or planting also represents physical proximity and therefore closeness. Though it may seem strange to a woman, the mere presence of her nearby makes a man feel close to her. For men, visual connection is a manifestation of physical connection. Clearly, what is considered attractive will vary from man to man. And while many women believe this need to be shallow, it's a need that men have and continue to have throughout their lives. So, looking the best you can tells your man that his needs matter to you just as you want him to pay attention to your needs. (Note: don't follow the media's guide of what is attractive but be aware of what your mate finds appealing.)

So, how to you put this into practice? Be the initiator of some sexual intimacy. Spend time with him while he¹s relaxing, even if it does not involve conversation; just being with him is what matters. And, don't forget about looking good.

I also have some final thoughts to offer. As I've often said in previous posts, in order for a relationship to really work, you have to work at it. These tips are ones that should be used throughout the year, not just on Valentine's Day. And on a practical side, here's a suggestion that will work for each of you: get a chocolate fondue set. Let the guy put it together since he's more hands-on, activity motivated. Ladies, make sure you stay by his side as he does. Now melt the chocolate, which of course will be really satisfying to the females. Feed it to each other. No doubt, some of it will end up on your faces and I'd suggest you allow each other to kiss it off. Then ...

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