The Little Words to Make or Break Your Relationship

How often have you heard the phrase, “It’s the little things in life that really count?” Well, as a relationships expert who also tries to help people improve life in general, I certainly appreciate the meaning of that question.

I started thinking about how it even applies to how you communicate with each other. So often, you are taught about how to use the right words. Certainly, a big concern is the tone that is employed. And let’s not forget the non-verbal language of facial expressions and the body. But then I realized that in just a matter of one, two, or three words, a message can be quite positive or negative.

Counting it out

So let’s start with the simple one word. Certainly, starting out from the mouths of babes, the word, “No” is definitely negative as compared to its counterpart. If you start a sentence with the word, “You,” it’s likely to not go well. Most people are going to feel attacked and respond in a defensive way. In contrast, if you begin your sentence with “I,” it is far more likely that the other person will be willing to listen to what you have to say. Note of warning: the “I” can’t be followed with: “think you …”

Moving on to two words, perhaps the harshest ones your mate can hear are: “You’re wrong!” Aside from being negative, these show a lack of respect and willingness to be open. I don’t know about the other women who are reading this article, but for me, I find a particular two word phrase particularly annoying from my husband: “Yes, dear.”

Though not opposite to these phrases, but having a much nicer impact are the two words, “I’m sorry.” It’s important, however, that if you say this phrase it be delivered with a tone that matches your sincere intent. Otherwise, it will be received as patronizing.

Those three little words

We’re up to three little words. In this case, I’m not going to expand on the negative side -- there are so many phrases that can do damage. And I’m going to guess that most of you think that the three word phrase that is most positive is “I love you.” Yes, these are magical words, especially when they’re heard for the first time in the context of a romantic relationship.

But I believe there is a very significant three word phrase that is especially important to maintaining long-term relationships. As a matter of fact, it’s a phrase that is also one that can do a lot to help with any relationship -- romantic or not! The winner is: “Maybe you’re right.”

Why do I think these three little words have such a profound impact? It lets the other person know that you’re open to hearing him or her. It shows respect. It doesn’t close the door to possibilities. If one of the most significant skills to a good relationship is communication, then certainly this phrase keeps the lines of communication open.

So, the next time you and your significant other are not seeing eye-to-eye, remember to offer: “Maybe you’re right.”

Think about it! (Oh … another three words!)

I invite all of you to get a free monthly newsletter with relationship tips. To sign up, go to: www.ChoiceRelationships.com