Barack Obama & Jeremiah Wright: Irritable Older Males and The Father Wound

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     You can’t listen or watch anything these days without being bombarded with Reverend Wright and the effect he is having on the Presidential aspirations of Barack Obama. With so many important issues that should be discussed during this election campaign—global warming, ending the war in Iraq, saving our failing economic system, universal health care, to name only a few—I’m wondering what has gotten America so fired up about a 66 year-old retired pastor and a 47 year-old mid-life man seeking the highest office in the land.

     As a therapist who has spent the whole of his professional life seeking to understand and help men in the second half of life, I have a few thoughts to offer. Nearly every person I counsel eventually talks about the "father wound." It seems that nearly all of us have experienced an absent father. Some lost our father through death. Others lost theirs through divorce or desertion. Some had fathers who were lost to alcoholism, drug addiction, or mental illness. Others lost fathers through violence or suicide.

     In whatever way we lost our fathers, we all experience a wound. The wound expresses itself in different ways in different people. For some we become obsessed with trying to prove we are better than our fathers. For others we feel inadequate and unable to love and nurture others. We often are afraid to get close to men and have trouble with authority figures. However, we deal with these issues throughout our lives, the wound often comes to the surface in mid-life.

     We hunger to be cared for and embraced by the father we never had. We also feel a mixture of longing and rage. Sometimes the anger is held in. Other times it explodes. In some cases we are able to express our feelings directly towards our own fathers. Most often our feelings are displaced onto others. It’s quite common for these feelings to come to the surface after we’ve reached the age of 40.

     There’s something about moving into the second half of life that propels these issues to the surface. I think we are fascinated by the drama between Mr. Obama and the Reverend Wright, not just because of the politics involved, but because it touches issues so close to our own lives.

     We know that Mr. Obama lost his father when his parents separated when he was two years old. It seems that Reverend Wright become a surrogate father for Mr. Obama. It isn’t surprising to me that it has taken Mr. Obama so long to confront Reverend Wright.

     I’m not surprised at the language used by Reverend Wright in his own church. The Black experience of racism is clearly different than the White experience. I can understand why he might be angry at our government or our policies. But why is he so angry at Mr. Obama?

     In each of his recent public talks Reverend Wright comes across as a peevish, irritable, and petulant old man. He attacks Mr. Obama for political posturing, a quality that is clearly different from the way Mr. Obama sees himself and most of the public has come to see him. He seems to offer little care, compassion, or respect, for Mr. Obama.

     Reverend Wright reminds me of a lot of older men that I work with. As their hormone levels drop, as they begin to lose their power, as their roles in society become ambiguous, they strike out. Their anger is most hurtful to their closest friends and family. They seem to become a different person.

     One woman described her husband this way: "Last January a man came home from work with my husband’s face but he did not act at all like him. I've known this man for 30 years, married 22 of them and have never met THIS guy before. Mean, nasty, and cruel are just a few words to describe him."

     Reverent Wright seems to be going through what I call Irritable Male Syndrome. It takes a great deal of courage to confront a man like this. Many men never stand up to their fathers when they have become abusive. Mr. Obama has done so. Good for him.

     He said his former pastor’s "rants" were "appalling." "They offend me." He said. "They rightly offend all Americans. And they should be denounced."

     Most all of us experience the father wound. Barack Obama is healing his. By confronting Reverend Wright he shows all of us how to stand up to our fathers. We can love them, but when they become abusive we must defend ourselves and those we love.

     I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of man I would like heading my country.

     What do you think? What kinds of father wounds have you experienced? Do we want to man (or women) in the White House who has avoided their wound or one who has confronted his?