Come Out of Your Comfort Zone and Grow

I’m just back from a trip to Australia and New Zealand. Truth be told, these were never destinations that were on my short list. The motivation to go came from the fact that my daughter has been working in Australia for almost a year and I wanted to see her.

The timing of the trip was determined by my school calendar -- I was in between semesters. Well, that had both an upside and a downside. It gave us enough time to do this lengthy voyage (both in getting there and in order to see the sights) but it took us away from the usual holiday festivities with friends at the Holiday Season.

So, in all honesty, I was not making this journey in total excitement; rather, there was a bit of anxiety or discomfort. It is the latter that provokes the theme of this blog.

Let me first start out by saying that Australia is beautiful and New Zealand is even more so. Though I wouldn’t call myself a world traveler, I have had the privilege of seeing many places. None has compared to the natural beauty of New Zealand.

The stops along the way

While there, many tours and activities were planned; this was not to be a restful three weeks. Among them were walks through the desert (it was 104 that day), hiking through the rain forest as it poured, riding a camel (I’m not even fond of horses), and snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef (I don’t really swim).

My point is that at many junctures, I was out of my comfort zone and even feeling somewhat afraid. Yes, I had the option of not joining in the activity. But, I truly believe in challenging oneself and facing one’s fears. If you only continue to do that which you are comfortable doing, how can you grow? If I had not done all these things, I know I would not have had the wonderful vacation I did.

One of the tour guides mentioned that his wife, another guide, said “Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.”

Relationship lessons

Of course, being a relationships expert, I started putting this in the context of relationships. Being involved with someone is so vital to most of us. After all, as I’ve said previously, based on attachment theory, it’s what helps you know that you matter.

The tricky part, though, is that you’re also so vulnerable when you’re involved with someone. The stakes are high: the feelings of closeness and intimacy are wonderful but you can also get hurt. Most people are too afraid of the latter and most, in order to prevent getting hurt, will act in patterns that they know. Unfortunately, most of these behaviors are ones that are not truly open to the other person. What you’re doing is functioning in your comfort zone.

But here’s what I’ve learned both professionally and personally in the landscape of people: when you are willing to take a risk and come out of your comfort zone, there’s a wealth of experience that might not have been yours otherwise. Sure, you may be uncertain of the initial terrain and you may even falter on a step or two; there’s even the possibility that the path will not lead to where you want to go.

However, unless you’re willing to try something different (perhaps sharing a feeling even though it’s uncomfortable to do or express something painful that you’ve always hidden), you will never know if you can reap the beauty of having the connection of your partner being there for you.

Yes, I missed the usual festivities with my friends this past Holiday but what wonderful magnificence I got to see instead!

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