New Year – A Time for Change Part 1

First, let me start out by wishing all of you a very Happy New Year! I hope that 2009 brings all of you the best and all that you wish for.

Generally, you tend to think about the New Year as a time that marks change. And so, I’d like to address several components regarding change apropos to the tradition. In order to look at this subject from different aspects, I’m going to discuss it both in this week’s blog and next week. Today, I’ll address New Year’s Resolutions. After all, I’m sure many of you made some!

As I said, this is the time of year where you become reflective and decided to turn over a new leaf. You think back on the past year and take stock of some behaviors you’d like to change. So, right after the festivities of the New Year are over, you are determined to lose weight or start exercising or get more organized or fill in the blank.

But, sadly, for most people in about two to three weeks the new behavior discontinues and may become a resolution for the following January 1st. But why is this? Most of you don’t really know how to start a new behavior. Yes, there is a strategy that will bring you more success!

Skills to start a new behavior

Let’s use weight as an example. Perhaps you have really slipped and you have to lose 25 – 50 pounds. That’s a lot of weight. If you attempt to think in terms of the entire amount, it is just too much. After all, the only way to lose weight is to cut down on all the calories you’ve been eating that put that weight on … you will no doubt feel deprived.

So, set your goal to five pounds. This is doable. When you have reached your mini-goal, you’ll feel good. Reinforce yourself for your accomplishment -- just not with food. Now go on to the next five pounds. Repeat the process until you’ve gotten to the larger goal. This can be done with any behavior: don’t attempt to do it all, break it up into sub-goals (e.g. start exercising 10 minutes a day and build up).

Know that change does not take place as a constant uphill process. Rather, think of it as an upward spiral. That means that you go up but periodically, you slip back. Yes, expect slips! When they happen, do not become self-critical and give it all up. That’s considered black-white thinking. The trick is to flow with the slip and keep going. To do so is a much more realistic way of dealing with life.

Often when you are starting a new behavior, it helps to get support. You might want to do the new activity with someone else. Or, let others know what you are doing if they are people who will be encouraging but not judgmental or critical.

Be aware that a new behavior takes 21 days to become a habit. So stick to it. Remember that when you first started driving, it was uncomfortable also and now you do it without thinking.

An exception

There are some of you who still may not try new behaviors because you’re stuck. My guess is that when this happens there’s either a fear or an emotional block from your past. Often, people will continue to do things even when the result is unsatisfying because at least the old behavior is in their comfort zone.

It’s harder to change behaviors that are emotionally laden. I would suggest that you pick up a copy of my book, “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life.” You don’t have to be a prisoner to your past; you can rewire your old patterns and have a life of joy and choice!

Next week, I’ll write about changes as it pertains to your relationships. Again, all good wishes to you and yours!
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